WTFcat!

song... lame update...

2006-05-26T13:23:00.000+08:00

the afters : beautiful love

ok i'll be in reservist from monday to friday... kinda looking forward to it... meeting old friends... though there are a thousand and one shit things that going back to the army means. but oh well.. 5 days can't kill me

the disease...

2006-05-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

it seems like 70% of the blogs have caught it. the holiday disease. everyone decides that they rather go clubbing, go shopping, play computer games and wank off whatever instead of blogging because its just so troublesome.

thats perfectly fine. because the holidays are here. i'm not so poor thing as to have the computer as my only companion, am i?

well sadly, mr ian low here is one such case. while everyone is happily planning holidays or shopping like they haven't in years or whatever, i'm wasting my life on games everyday. i don't wish to discuss about getting a job because i'm just too unpassionate about it, and its hard to find one when you have a bloody reservist callup at the bottom of the month. anyway anyone with job openings that you think is suitable for me pls tell me or something, thanks.

but whatever the case is, this is about why i have not been blogging. my tracker showed a drop of average daily readers from 50 to 25 almost IMMEDIATELY after the exams, which meant that as much as the no-need-to-blog disease spreads, the no-need-to-blogsurf comes along with it. so maybe, if people aren't so interested in reading anymore, maybe i ain't so interested in trying to tell them something either.

"but blogging is like keeping a diary what. you blog or not regardless if people read"

bullshit. i want to keep a diary also won't put on the bloody internet for you right? the purpose of my blog is to talk about something, have people read it, form some opinion (either about the subject or me) and then hopefully something constructive comes out from it... like you know me better or you post some comment or whatever.

i've decided that my blog will no longer contain the words "today" or "yesterday" preceded by the words "i" or "we". because this blog isn't about what i did. and i don't post photos. nobody enjoys reading text about what you did, no matter how interesting it was. if you do, and you're a girl, let me know.

lastly, nothing interesting has been happening that deserves a debate here. i mean interesting things are happening everywhere and maybe they deserve a place here to talk about, but i'm not seeing it. so sorry.

to the faithful blog surfers and readers, thanks for coming back... i also want to find something to write lah.

supper!

2006-05-05T11:59:00.000+08:00

things to do these 3 months, amid my job hunting and stuff. this post here is meant to cast pressures on the mentioned people so that something will happen.

in no order of importance, simply just as they come to my mind..

prata with tiffany and yix

drinking sessions with washington

bnj treat from jo

contact yiping my long lost meow friend

find some day to reunite sec 2 jap class

supper with the amk/serangoon/hougang rockers

mahjong with abang and charlotte

dammit this stupid list is SO SHORT! must fill up more

amphibian shit...

2006-04-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

well i've actually been holding this post for after the exams... and so yep having said this.. my exams are over. but i shall not be a biatch and brag about it.. someday it'll be my own freaking turn to end on the last day and its bloody childish anyway.

so anyway, WTFcat! presents

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket

there is an mp3. click to play and hear what he says! this guy's verbal abuse is the bomb lah! i mean, i really enjoyed the way he threw such intelligent yet crude abuses at the recruits, so unlike the useless threats singapore bmt instructors give. turn the volume up for full enjoyment!

"how tall are you, private?!"
"SIR! five foot nine! sir!"
"FIVE FOOT NINE! i didn't know they stacked shit that high! you're trying to squeeze an inch on me somewhere, HUH!!?"
"SIR! NO, SIR!"
"BULLSHIT! it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!! I THINK YOU'VE BEEN CHEATED!"

"where in the hell are you from anyway, private?"
"SIR! TEXAS, SIR!"
"HOLY DOG SHIT, TEXAS! only steers and queers come from texas private cowboy. and you don't much look like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down! DO YOU SUCK DICKS?"
"SIR! NO, SIR!"
"ARE YOU A PETER PUFFER?!"
"SIR! NO, SIR!"
"I bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the GODDAMN COMMON COURTESY to give him a reacharound. I'LL BE WATCHING YOU!"

hahaha this guy is the bomb!

2 down!

2006-04-26T03:30:00.000+08:00

after today's management and organisation paper, i have concluded that management is business school's most useless major. watch out philo... someone is hot on your heels in toilet paper race.

8 hours of helpsheet (read: cheatsheet, read: your life) writing later, and without any sleep thanks to the writing, mno was the lamest shit paper i've sat for in my entire life. i wished all engineering exams were like this. i can jolly well go and play dota forever and not study.

but but! i have to acknowlege that 50% of the exam is your helpsheet, and so i proudly present to you, my 8 hours of colourful shit...

page 1

and page 2

don't underestimate this 2 pages of shit. 80% of the paper required me to refer to this shit and answer whatever i wrote on it. no brain work. which is why the paper is so lame. you know every single moron is going to squeeze the entire lecture notes into the damn paper, why don't you just make it open book? seems like they want to give marks according to the effort you spent on the helpsheet. dammit just reading through this... i've said shit/sheet how many times?

and for today's wtf moment... *drumrolll*

customary wtfcat! picture

here is a question from the exam which i got wrong. becuase i didn't do the reading. but you can almost make an intelligent guess.

Q: according to blahblah.... which of the following is a promising strategy to justify the blahblah

a. it is widely accepted
b. it increases employee's morale and belongingness (which is definately wrong)
c. it is the right way to go
d. it brings the issue of property rights into the picture

answer : c
WTF! i don't care about the other answers... but WTF KIND OF ANSWER IS 'it is the right way to go?' knn! you think what? primary school don't know how to answer anyhow give wayang shit ah! omg!

yays...

2006-04-22T16:12:00.000+08:00

ok physics paper is down. so i have 4 more to settle. but that is not the point. the point of this post is to talk about my laptop!

horror of all horrors, i did a charlotte (refer to april 10 post) last night and spilt water over my laptop's keyboard.... it was fine for while.. and then suddenly it hanged.. then begins a whole roller coaster of calling prabs, he telling me to this and that... the short end of the story is that i had to use a hairdryer or something to dry the laptop inside. hopefully that would remove the water stains and the ibm folks wouldn't find out (if they found water stains, i'll have to pay for the damages. motherf***ing expensive.

but oh wells... there was a sleepless night, and today of all wonders, the computer came back to life when i gave it a last chance i-don't-believe-you-will-work-but-just-try push of the switch... heh.. i'm so grateful..

the ordeal has made me realise charlotte's pain. and me being able to escape while she didn't.. heh.. i hereby offer to give her a lunch treat...

2006-04-21T19:29:00.000+08:00

from shili's blog... sorry physics.. i really don't care anymore..

Are you a good or bad boy/girl?? Add one point for everything you have done. If you get more than 60 - you are bad! Lower than that-- no worries you're still a little angel!

1) smoked

2) consumed alcohol

3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex

4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex

5) made out with someone of the opposite sex

6) made out with someone of the same sex

7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex

8) watched porn

9) bought porn

10) done drugs

TOTAL: 7

11) taken pain killers

12) taken someone else's prescription medicine

13) lied to your parents

14) lied to a friend

15) snuck out of the house

16) done something illegal

17) cut yourself

18) hurt someone

19) wished someone to die

20) seen someone die

TOTAL: 7

21) missed curfew

22) stayed out all night

23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself

24) been to a therapist

25) been to rehab

26) dyed your hair

27) received a ticket

28) been in a wreck

29) been to a club

30) been to a bar

TOTAL: 7

31) been to a wild party

32) seen the Mardi Gras

34) had a spring break in Florida

35) sniffed anything

36) wore black nail polish

37) wore arm bands

38) wore t-shirts with band names

39) listened to rap

40) own a 50 cent CD

TOTAL: 5

41) dressed gothic

42) dressed prep

43) dressed punk

44) dressed grunge

45) stole something

46) been too drunk to remember anything

47) blacked out

48) fainted

49) had a crush on your neighbor

50) had someone sneak into your room

TOTAL: 4

51) snuck into someone else's room

52) had a crush on someone of the same sex

53) been to a concert

54) dry humped someone

55) been called a slut

56) called someone a slut

57) installed speakers in your car

58) broke a mirror

59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house

60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush

TOTAL: 8

61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper

62) seen an R rated movie in theaters

63) cruised the mall

64) skipped school

65) had an eating disorder

66) had an injury

67) gone to court

68) walked out of a restaurant without paying

69) caught something on fire

70) lied about your age

TOTAL: 7

71) owned an apartment

72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend

73) cheated with someone

74) got in trouble with the police

75) talked to a stranger

76) hugged a stranger

77) kissed a stranger

78) rode in the car with a stranger

79) been sexually harassed

80) been verbally harassed

TOTAL: 4

81) met face to face with someone you met online

82) stayed online for 12 hours straight

83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight

84) watched TV for 12 hours straight

85) been to a fair

86) been called a bad influence

87) cursed

88) prank called someone

89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex

90) cheated on a test

TOTAL: 7

91) cheated on homework

92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex

93) been pushed into a pool

94) played pool

95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight

96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you

97) had a crush on someone younger than you

98) wear eyeliner

99) skinny dipped

100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt

TOTAL: 7

Grand Total 63. Woot

no post...

2006-04-18T07:16:00.000+08:00

temporary break. no blogging until physics paper over. then i will decide if wtfcat has anything to say about the paper or not...

in the meantime, wtfcat is experiencing wtf timings. the time reads 7am plus and i am not sleeping. and the plan was to reverse the clock from 6am bed time to 2am. whaat happen..

superpudge!

2006-04-15T19:01:00.000+08:00

ok first off i'm showing non dota players something very useless...

check out his hitpoints! hahaa 10K leh! can perma-rot one lor!

alrite on to the main post... WTFcat! is always on the search for stupid websites and today his brudder edwin showed him this link!

http://colinandkero.blogspot.com/

"boy sees boy, boy likes boy, boy have sex with boy, boy loves boy. =)"

OMGWTF!

what was that?

2006-04-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

haha i apologise for such a lousy previous entry... it was just self entertaining myself lah.. i mean got many ways i can entertain myself but i just thought of writing ok.. so u don't like to read your basah..

had mini jam session.. good way to kill some of the shit stress you get when you mug the whole day in hall... seriously hall can be a very depressing place.

egg...

2006-04-14T15:41:00.000+08:00

WTF.. today is easter day also got nobody come and offer me easter egg.... siao ah! you think living in america is it? haha ok anyway today i went out to town to meet the jc bunch of people for lunch because wong came back to singapore. (nono.. this wong has nothing to do with wongcoco... although we did make fun of her and wongcoco back then).. so i take bus to habourfront and then knn!! so many people queueing for the bloody sentosa bus!

WTFcat! did a small observation of the people queueing and as he went down to the mrt, got more and more people streaming out of the train. machiam got free money one tmd.. and here is a list of the standard list of groups of people you see going to sentosa on a public holiday..

WTFcat! standard list of groups of people you see going to sentosa on a public holiday (copy and paste one lah.. think what)

Group 1 : boring jc/poly students
Age : 17 - 20
Size : 2 guys 2 girls - 5 guys 5 girls
Attire : guys will wear beach attire.. beach berms, singlets (to be taken off).. the more conservative (read : fat/obese) ones will wear t-shirts (not to be taken off)... girls usually wear some nice t-shirt (to be taken off and reveal bikini).. the conservative (read : fat/obese/pregnant) ones will wear tank top.. and those that don't feel like letting the guys see free bikini will wear fbt singlet (aww..)
WTFcat! says : go out with classmate is ok... but but but! wah lau what for you bring this kind of girl go sentosa? the guys i don't say.. sure go and play beach volleyball beach soccer and swim whatever one... but the girls ar.. esp those don't know how to wear bikini one... sure stay on the sand and zhuo bo one! build sandcastle lah.. talk cock lah.. sleep lah.. suntan lah.. ask them swim.. dowan... ask them play ball.. dowan.. WTF! then do what! go rasa sentosa make love is it? hahaha! then the guys also more than 80% the body cannot make it.. not say i sibeh hot-bod lah.. budden i don't go sentosa what! you knn got 3 sparetyre (can see through your shirt lor! don't fake) still dare to take off... trying to compete with angmoh is it! really lah.. class gathering got a lot of better places to go you all can do better thing also... watch movie or eat lunch mah! what for go sentosa and lao kui.. haha!

Group 2 : secondary students
Age : 13 - 16
Size : 3 guys 3 girls ++ (2 guy 2 girl is double date.. they all shy!)
Attire : read jc students... ALL CONSERVATIVE. knn you see one sec 2 girl wear bikini you huat liao lah.. her one also haven't grow man. hhaha! the guy's dressing will be worse. because they all seldom go out.. suddenly go out with girl only damn kancheong wear the most suisui.. end up go sentosa in shirt and pants lah.. haha WTF!!!
WTFcat! says : girls - no bikini no talk. go home and play barbie doll please. guys - the most sad case is wear thick spectacle.. hair messy like downstairs hair lidat.. then sit one corner loser loser read comic.. nabeh go back and play dota lah!! must be those battlenet noobs... dammit sentosa beaches ought to have an age limit

Group 3 : chinaman
Age : 18-25
Size : 4 males
Attire : crumpled unironed chequered shirt, oversized dull beige t-shirts, XXL pants and sandals
WTFcat! says : coming from hostels (or possibly construction site) all over singapore... are the ahtiongs! too poor to watch movies and hang out in town.. they invade sentosa with no purpose! go there also don't go to the beach.. walk around the bicycle path in 3-up formation machiam westlife.. tintei only... laughing also got chinese accent come out.. wah piang.. seriously.. want to stay on bicycle path please rent a bicycle... i don't care you all tompang and tian mi mi brokeback or what... otherwise you all go sentosa for what! don't waste time lah.. go back pgp and mug lah! hao mah?

Group 4 : the mud gang
Age : 18 - 26
Size : up to 7 mats, 1 or 2 minah
Attire : the guys usually wear singlet show off nice body.. some will wear t-shirt.. one joker will wear metallica. the minah machiam working in pub lidat.. bloody hell 11am can wear tight black tanktop and mini denim shorts.. WTF??.. then somemore their breast so big.. confirm chiong one!
WTFcat! says : the minah so few ah.. 1 or 2 only.. dunno is one of their gf or what... scarly it is communal whore! the mats damn share-share one. all kawan-kawan. from share nasi lemak to share underwear to share homework... now also must share whore.. hahahaha!!! at night confirm go somewhere get bukkake.. but then ah.. this group another one the girls dunno go sentosa for wat... they wear lidat.. makeup gao gao sure won't go water one... then just sit on the beach look at their customer play soccer... no point lah... brudder! next time go out no need bring whore one! waste money only!

Group 5 : suntanners
Age : 16 - 25
Size : 3 to 5 babes
Attire : who cares! later all take out bikini only! woot!
WTFcat! says : yes lah! sex ahhh! (lol @ ahleem).. the only group that truly deserves to be in sentosa! quote from zhihao "the girls with ugly body usually wear pattern pattern bikini one.. because can distract.. those with nice body will wear single colour one..." is true lah!! tmd everytime u see one chio from far with pink stripe pattern there stripe pattern there... go close only te bu bin... knn! budden you girls also must be responsive one lah! tmd you all go beach and suntan is to let guys see also right!? i smile at you, you also smile back lah! you think you damn hot meh!

Group 6 : malay family
Age : 0 - 100
Size : 30
Attire : nice clothes, home clothes, pampers + suckler, batik, kerbaya, songkok, sarong, tudung, baju kurong, sunglasses, crutches, wheelchair
WTFcat! says : wahhpiang!!! excursion ah! this group most sian one.. go everywhere also must one whole jing-gang.. eh i know you all family family lah... but don't you all think you all overdoing it abit! i'm very sure your old uncle rather go princess/jade watch womb raider than go sentosa and see young people play ball games.. especially you all only know how to play soccer... see other game also liap bo kiu rite? (sorry bad pun) then somemore your friend in wheelchair leh.. you think he damn shiok to see people jumping here and there is it?

Group 7 : army losers
Age : 18 - 21
Size : platoon + 0 girls
Attire : army singlets (not just the grey one.. the colourful ones also), army shorts, NEWBALANCE shoes, short hair / botak head
WTFcat! says : these losers just damn happy to book out (hmm.. what is 'book out' ah?) last night and some joker decided to have some sentosa outing... they come with hopes of looking at chicks on the beach.. budden the girls also not stupid.. one look at them also know they all some humsup army platoon... straightaway condemn!!.. damn sad case.. because i know.. i last time also... eh soldier! you wan to come beach and hook up girls also please come smaller group... and get the more seh people can?? bring one times cockster wear thick black spectacle is one times black sheep! i know you all book out all hormorne only.. budden must think with the other head a bit also mah!

P.S. : ORD LOH!

and finally...

Group 8 : young horny couple
Age : 18 - 28
Size : 1 guy 1 girl lah! hello i'm talking about heterosexual here?
Attire : guy dress yandao one.. girl dress ahlian one.. (both beach attire)
WTFcat! says : these people just happy to go there and blissbliss and kisskiss and touchtouch only one lah... knn i still remember got one time i see this guy giving his girl body rub in the sea... then his hand go all over the place.. inside bikini also got! wah lau... eh the both of you want to sex, the hotel just over there lah! WTF?! don't because you all horny also make me horny can! i no girl leh!

ok that concludes this entry.. don't want to bother how to end lah.. must go and study!

miss sim...

2006-04-10T20:25:00.000+08:00

WTFcat! present to you MSN conversation!

*talking about a girl*

Chang says:
we got the same taste la
Chang says:
she gives me tt
Chang says:
miss sim vibe
ian : yays says:
miss sim
ian : yays says:
hahahahha!!!
ian : yays says:
yeah!!!
ian : yays says:
OMFG~
Chang says:
right or not
Chang says:
i hit the nail la
ian : yays says:
u like miss sim huh!
Chang says:
we liked miss sim what i tot?
ian : yays says:
JAHHAHAHA
ian : yays says:
FUCKER!!!!
ian : yays says:
hahahahahah

dedicated to : miss sim, our sec 4 history teacher... but now she don't look so spunky like last time liao.. old liao.. sigh..

note : this post is not meant to be sacarstic or like "we hate miss sim" because both me and chang really like her.. i mean seriously. and we are just 'hahah'ing and all that because its quite embarrasing when your secondary school friend points out a crush you had on a teacher and he also has the same crush. like WTF!

so the change...

2006-04-10T03:50:00.000+08:00

the past blog was just too dark lah... too goth.. too emo... too everything. think i kinda outgrew that period and just feel like having a blog with a more fun/kbkb theme... hence my alter ego... the WTFcat!... *applause applause*

you prolly get the idea that this place will be full of wtf shits.. you're right..

refer to sebestian's blog... we all went to post on the forum about asking if a textbook was necessary for the exams because he didn't have it and would have to spend money on something 'unnecessary'... and you know what the lecturer huang replied? he'll lend his textbook to seb! like WTF! haha you should just see the way he handles the whole forum... 3 people are complaining about the whole situation and how to solve the problem of unfairness (refer to my previous post) and that wuss doesn't reply.. then suddenly one person mentions something that vaguely 'relieves' that idiot like "we should just concentrate on the final exam" and then he straightaway replies "thanks"...like he has finally been saved by buddha!.. the whole freaking forum on the practical exam... he has posted 15 times. and ALL of it are just 5 words thanks, thanks for being understand, thank yuh so march.
OMG MY LECTURER IS A FREAKING LOSER!!!!!111
i see already i sibeh cannot take it.. i went to reply to his "thanks"

"thanks leh! come on guys! show your appreciation!"

seb and i were having so much fun on the forums last nite.. laughing at the lecturer's loser comments. eh moron you don't reply no one will say you are dumb lah.. now you see u kena feature in WTFcat volume 1..

so much for top 17 in the world. bullshit.

command...

2006-04-07T01:34:00.000+08:00

kr command (the senior's farewell) was a blast. it truly is the most important kr event in the whole year. i laughed like mad so many times i have a sore throat.

nice videos, nice stunts, nice dances, nice everything and of course nice command sabos (for the outside people, its called command because at the end, we pay seniors to command them to do anything for us... in the form of stunts they definately don't want to do)

pictures will be up soon... but the point of this command is that its a farewell for the seniors.. and here is ian's very own emotional account of the whole feeling.

it certainly is sad having so many final years leaving the hall... well i don't really know most of them.. and even among the few i have talked to, even fewer have really impacted some form of my life in kr... and while i still talk to some everyday, some others i haven't talked to for a long time.... like yanyan.. but i'm msning with her right now haha.

when the awards were given, when the family song was sung, when ever the seniors appeared tonight... you could feel it.. the sense of pride they have being a kent ridgean, and what they meant to the hall. anyway i'll cut the long story short... not good with such words... yup.. i'd like to thank you guys for coming into my life in kent ridge..

and charlotte and i were agreeing that ranjan is such a important figure to kr... that he has done so much... and we both wanna be like him. so next year we are gonna be siao on seniors.... freshmen, watch out.

---

ok mno presentation is finally over... ctw is also over... tomorrow is c++ practical exam... the practical is so dumb! it takes up only 10%! ... like i dunno if i should put in so much effort for it.. probably just read some tomorrow... got the whole afternoon...

well basically its just physics and maths left.. time to do hardcore study work!

and oh.. i just ate another mcspicy

like a comet

blazing through the sky

gone too soon

maths...

2006-04-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

i wish maths was as easy as this...

"what do you get when you add these 2 up?

1. jioing eugene lim for lunch

2. having mno meeting until 11pm"

answer : 2 mcspicy meals in one day

family...

2006-04-05T11:13:00.000+08:00

kent ridge rockers 0506

global leh...

2006-04-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

i don't know about you... but watching an indian argue with a vietnamese tutor in front of a class of noisy chinamen is damn funny for a singaporean

far away...

2006-03-31T16:11:00.000+08:00

note : if you don't like reading this kinda stuff then go away

i've listened

i've heard

i've ran

i've jumped

i've written

i've painted

i've been dirtied

i've been cleaned

i've seen

i've seen it all

i've wondered

i've wondered who you are

i've played

i've fallen down

i've loved

i've been loved

i've dreamed

i've woken up

i've felt

i've tasted

i've had fun

i've had no fun

i've killed

i've been killed

i've lived

and now i die

will i be reborn?

i don't know

but what i know is

you don't care

and if you finally care

i'm already dead

and this time

maybe i don't care

i hate ntuc...

2006-03-27T02:59:00.000+08:00

i've been given the task by my MNO project team to find the past secretary-generals of ntuc. and you know how freaking hard it is? a google search on words like ntuc "lim boon heng" returns at most 7 pages of articles which are all crap... anyway my efforts have churned out ongtengcheong limboonheng and limcheeonn... does anyone know if there are anymore?

its 3am. and i'm awake. no actually i just woke up... yaah i know what you all thinking. my morning is screwed right? tmd i also don't want to wake up at 3am one lor. bloody hell.

i just read jinxy's blog... like wtf! she is how happening lah! every blog i have visited is all about some nonsense issue like..

alphonsus : shitting his pants
daphne : always talking about food
kelvyn : about how busy he is
hailin : schoolwork and some blogger nonsense

ok nvm my point is that jinx is the only one who is damn happening lah! go her blog you sure feel damn sad for your life one.. ok.. at least for me..

wong is in singapore!

---- update 1.10pm
ok now i have found that ntuc had an earlier chief... some guy called devan nair.. and he was a president of singapore too! dammit i'm so noob about singapore politics. there is a reason why ian isn't doing PS u know... anyway it seems like nair and LKY had some conflicts that would raise the eyebrow of anyone who is skeptical of the pap.. hmmm... what with lee calling nair an alcoholic...

friday has something to look forward to... softball with the juniors! yesterday i learnt from aloy that the njc team actually beat vjc well and good at the src tournament... wah.. really must see how good this team is...

haven't been to njc... feeling a little nostalgic.. but... the whole place isn't the njc that i knew anymore... speaking of which.. the same thing happened with chinese high.. i don't know the school anymore. stupid 6 year plans...

argh! i don't have any alma mater!

green...

2006-03-25T00:10:00.000+08:00

my hair is now green... well actually it looks black under poor lighting but you can see the green tint if some bright light shines off... but chances of that is quite low... my hair is a little damaged liao so not so shiny... argh conditioner... conditioner...

anyway its the first part of this funky hair dye lobang that yijia passed to me. one of big serene's friends needs some 'models' to showcase hair dyeing or something... so basically i will just sit there and they will do the job in front of people who are watching...

and its the first part because next week there will be the funky 'bright' streaks! haha apparently we have decided on getting me some salmon streaks. salmon here refers to the color. not the meat please..

*crosses fingers and hope that it will be nice*

wrong...

2006-03-20T02:04:00.000+08:00

getting misunderstood is prolly one thing every person on earth hates... right? who doesn't. and sometimes... that is all it takes to throw your normal life off balance, just like being forced to skip your lunch everyday.. and suddenly, everything seems out of place.

do i seem like the sort of person you could easily take advantage of? just because i never seem to get angry? just because i am too accommodating to your whimpers and snaps? just because i have a high threshold of irritance before i step into action? if you one such human who has been guilty of the above, please stop it. i'm being a nice gentleman here to tell you that i have a limit.

because i am starting to ask myself why i let people off over something wrong when i get screwed all four corners when i commit a mistake. because i am starting to see that my kindness gets me no where. damn all that shit that kindness begets kindness because it ain't happening. because i am a human subject to my own evil devices and i will not hesistate to rip you to pieces emotionally and physically if you cross the line.

..

now i apologise for that emotional cryout.

sometimes pause and wonder what is going to happen for you in the world right? the stars and the moon are all there for a reason.. you're going to graduate in 3 years, you're going to get married in 10 years, you're going to this and that. or is it? i said 'wonder'... so you actually wonder if you are going to graduate in 3 years. you wonder about this and that.

and the time has come when i'm sick of wondering and demand answers. but i cannot get the answers anywhere. because you don't want to answer me. enough. i had enough. jen'ai marre

right now i could use a rope. after i get that rope i can decide on one of three things: to escape, to tie my hands up, or to hang myself.

wrench...

2006-03-14T19:53:00.000+08:00

a tear stifled
a lonesome beethoven
a stone cast
into grains of water

a long time ago
when shadows were bright
the rain was clean
and the streets made of gold

a heart wrenched
a grip from within
a hand from the you
that doesn't feel

the dice cannot lie
the fire will melt
tommorow will come
and it will again

study week...

2006-03-13T16:17:00.000+08:00

sometimes you change your msn nick to an announcement of the would-be-future in hopes that it compels you to accomplish what you have proclaimed to your contact list...

today is one such day for me. i have announced this week to be study week. and i hope i can actually extend its period to more than a week.

the past weeks have been dwelled on evils. evils that might be necessary, but i've got to sift them out now, regretfully. such evils comprise

youtube, specifically watching elfen lied over and over again
listening to songs and lying on the bed
sleeping and screwing up bio clocks
defence of the ancients, more commonly known as dota
watching saw 2 at 3am last night with leem. congrats ian.
watching brokeback with 2 gays and a confused androgyny
staying in town with the sexual misfits until 6am

no more. it has got to stop.

on the topic of brokeback anyway, i actually found it a show that you either can appreciate it fully, as charlotte did, or you get half the beauty of the picture. i don't really regard the story as a 'secret' anymore... since the word brokeback is on everyone's lips...
the story trys to tell the story of 2 gays and their struggle with life during that time. its supposed to be a heartbreak story in the sense of 'we love each other, but we cannot be together', very much like memories of a red autumn LOL. so actually the only thing i gained from the show is to reduce my homophobic factor.

nothing...

2006-03-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

well just before i forget... for those who still are interested..
elfen lied!

episode 3
episode 4
episode 5

go away...

2006-03-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

i f***ing hate it when people come to me on msn for a particular reason, and thats it. and the way the ask is as if you owe it to them?

typical chat log...

him : hey can you .........................?
him : thanks
----
him : err hey have you.........?
him : when you........ can you.......?
him : if you don't wan its ok (yah like f*** you)
me : sure
----

who the f*** do you think you are and what the f*** do you think i am?

yes i have the right to say this to you. f*** off

triple...

2006-03-09T03:42:00.000+08:00

wah all the Jboy slut 1 and 2 post song lyrics on their blog.. so emo.. i must not lose out! emo is the language of the jayboy! this goes out to you jboy slut 1 and 2..
don't know why i chose this song. the tune has been playing in my mind for 2 days. aiyah don't complain lah! people dedicate you appreciate!

Jboy huat ah!

lonely sidewalks, silent night
bring the evening, deep inside
hold me darling, touch me now
let the feeling free tonight

love is on the way
i can see it in your eyes
lets give it one more try tonight

time of season, wipes the tears
no rhyme or reason, no more fears
all the dreaming, is far behind
you are here now, and everythin's alright

love is on the way
i can see it in your eyes
lets give it one more try tonight

and in the morning i'll be gone away
all the things i left behind
if you need me i'll come night or day
let's stop the hands of time

love is on the way
i can see it in your eyes
lets give it one more try tonight baby

saigon kick : love is on the way

Jboy slut 3

cobwebs...

2006-03-06T05:38:00.000+08:00

for those who have been tracking my sleep patterns, my bio clock has gone fishing. i can actually sit here typing this craphole at a time like this. attempts to make a 5 into a 4 have failed and backfired more than ever. a 5 is now a 6. i should just give up trying to decrease the oclock i sleep at. runaway is the shuteye hour. it will be 10, then 15.. pretty soon it'll hit 24 and everything will be back to normal.

at least the waking hours are semiproductive. the creators of the charleemian had a little study session just now. like what kind of freak people come back to hall on a sunday night to study? but those jokes have tests coming up... mine are over... so i'm the only freak. dammit.

rockfest was this sunday evening too. the sound system at the makeshift ucc stage sucks. i only bang keys and aint an expert at amps and mixing. so when i say it sucks, it sucks. but of course, the kr conmen took the show again.. i sometimes feel sorry for the halls with weak bands. like they are forced to squeeze out a band for the event... but of course they are not as lucky as us to have a strong rockers culture group, and end up sending some people who are half hearted about performing... and end up giving some noob ass gig to everyone.

kinda like the way noob ass people play dota and leave. f*** you all! when i become president i'll order a nationwide search for kids below 16 owning a copy of warcraft and exterminate each and everyone of you. noob or not. the package reads 'T - TEEN' and in MY dictionary, you're not a teen unless you are immune to statutory rape.

the time of the ~~day~~ ~~night~~ ~~midnight~~ ~~morning~~ ahh f*** day has come. time to sleep. for 2 hours.

wake up...

2006-03-03T19:34:00.000+08:00

blogging before the night cycling event... the physics retest was f***ed up. the actual first test's average mark was 8/15... and i think for this retest you can just see an additional 2 marks being chopped off...

pray that my guesses can hit a few rights...

if midterm tests mean anything to me, they serve as a wake up call to start hitting the books. i can already see my mother nagging me that i spend too much time on hall stuff and whatnots... well hall production is over, rockers stuff are over too... its just me, my book and an occasional game or two of dota..

oh yes.. ian is gonna work hard.. and fight back during the exams.
---

on to the next topic... here is a little 'what happened' today at a business module survey (that counts towards free marks)

Background : i registered up for this survey that includes 2 one-hour surveys... the first was held 2 weeks ago.. and today is the final one. for both days there are 2 sessions, an AM session and a PM session... and when i registered for this 'subject pool' i had indicated to attend both AM sessions.
an email was sent out saying that there were still a lot of vacancies for this survey study. and that students should sign up if they have problems filling up hours of this 'subject pool'... to put it simply, you could still make it if you missed the first part; simply attend the second survey session and do 2 surveys.

What happened : i missed the morning session because it totally skipped my mind until i woke up with that feeling like something is wrong. lets not go into the details because i fully acknowledge that it was my fault.
so the prof asked a group of students who missed the AM session to sit in another corner (for admin matter) because their names were not in the PM list. no harm right? but she had to pick on me, because i was the first one to submit my survey. this is what she said.. AFTER i told her i was sorry for missing the AM session

What she said : "how come you never attend the first session? you need to understand that when you sign up for the first session you come for the first session. there is no such thing as you just come and say you want to take this session as and when you like. do you know how much trouble you are causing the logistic side? because your name is not in the list you know. this time i will be lenient on you. but i can't guarantee.. nevermind you just write your name and we see what we can do."

this is what i have to say... in point form..

What I have to say (in point form) :

knnbccb (kan ni na bu chao chee bye)
f*** you understand
i am a f***ing scholar
don't try to condescend on me
and think i am stupid
what logistic problem is there when both sessions have no difference
when the same people conduct it
and you only need to put my paper in the OTHER session's pile
so what if my name not in this list? its in the other list
and if i AM CAUSING PROBLEMS
how come you so nicely request those who missed AM session to sit and do in the end
knnbccb
f*** you understand (sometimes women just don't get it)
and what about people who didn't even take the first survey?
and just register last minute to take both?
what problems do these people cause then?
and can't guarantee what? huh? don't dare to say because i am staring at you is it?
knnbccb
f*** you
bitch woman

blardy hell... we pay extra money for f***? for this kind of useless lecturer think talking to primary school kid ar? i tell you what it is for dudes...

hire bangla wash the same spot for 10 minutes. thats what.

nigger?

2006-03-02T03:54:00.000+08:00

youtube is the bomb. check this out

yes lah all you black homies and white dudes people can go and fight out your global war and then we yellow people will rule the universe! haha

mid term blues...

2006-03-01T12:47:00.000+08:00

..not the tests in particular. just normal blues that happen from midterm.. when you feel you had enough of studying.. even though you didn't really study.. haha.. my point is that you are sick of school. throughly. and you just want to get over with it. well as much as i'd like to get over with it, i still have to score... and i know you bastards are out there saying "can one lah.. you cap four point eight seven leh"

damn you. its not that easy ok. last sem was part crazy work and part fluke. crazy work ain't happening now... maybe it would, hopefully, but not now. and flukes don't happen easily. besides i got an MNO module which i didn't S/U. and for all those not in the know, ian might be an absolute genius in engineering/science related things, but an absolute clueless shit in business. like its the last faculty i'll ever enrol in.

on the happier side, at least i'm starting to study, in between here and there, but i finally cleared the other half of my desk (my computer and equipment takes up one half, where i spend 90% of the time), and now it is fully functional in its task to handle paperwork. yums... haven't scribbled stuff in penink for a long time.

and what is even happier?

memories of the production... (ripped from other blogs)

the set

with lights

without screws (sob)

final pose in song 1

and the most important thing right now!...

elfen lied episode 2 part 1
elfen lied episode 2 part 2

oh yes, it'll be good if you click the thingy at the bottom to make 'almost full screen', because the resolution is really THAT good

same stuff : gore and nudity expected. enjoy otherwise.

elfen lied...

2006-02-27T19:17:00.000+08:00

wow i managed to find elfen lied on youtube... first episode though... and the quality is superb. the uploader actually had to split the movie into 2 parts because movies over 100MB cannot be uploaded! so the quality is good! for people not staying in hall the downloading might be a problem though, unless you don't mind waiting haha.. but its a damn nice anime!

here it is.. hope the link isn't dead by then..

WARNING : Contains graphic scenes of excessive violence and nudity, but not hentai. If you are easily disturbed by such scenes please do not watch. (i personally don't mind violence. and nudity is good XD)

elfen lied episode one part I
elfen lied episode one part II

lilium...

2006-02-27T02:50:00.000+08:00

os iusti meditabitur sapientiam
et lingua eius loquetur iudicium

beatus vir qui suffert tentationem
quoniam cum probatus fuerit accipiet coronam vitae

Kyrie, fons bonitatis
Kyrie, ignis divine, eleison

O quam sancta, quam serena
quam benigma, quam amoena
esse virgo creditur

O quam sancta quam serena
quam benigma, quam amoena
O castitatis lilium

the mouth of the Just shall meditate wisdom
and his tongue shall speak judgement

blessed is the man that endureth temptation
for when he hath been proved he shall receive a crown of life

Lord, fountain of holiness
Lord, Fire Divine, have mercy

O how holy, how serene
how benign, how pleasant
is this virgin who believeth

O how holy, how calm,
how benign, how pleasant
O lily of purity

videos, sports and food...

2006-02-25T01:57:00.000+08:00

edit : i've added some photos (actually most are from charlotte).. so to make sure you see them, i won't blog for a couple of days LOL

perhaps the end of hall production isn't so bad after all. for one i'm able to enjoy the finer things in life. been half doing work today while listening to songs... well actually one particular song called lilium.. taken from the OST of the anime elfen lied. i actually came across the song while watching a part-goth-part-anime flash by the same name (well the author called the girl by the name of the song.. i thought it was beautiful)

anyhows, you can watch the flash animation here (you still got to click another link). i really loved it so much i am bothering to blog about it, like wow. however it is goth.. so there IS a teeny bit of gore. but the gore is artistic by any means, and it is only a cartoon. if you can take happy tree friends this is chicken feet.

part 2 of my day was spent playing squash with sebestian aka young master li aka jing... haha squash rocks lah! i really enjoy it though i suck.. but i'm sure i don't suck as much as real noobs do haha. so yeah seb.. next time jio me play again! good workout man.

then in the middle of some really frustrating computing lab submission (read : nus lecturers are n00bs)... i went to surf youtube and watched some jay chou mtvs... haha they rocks lah!

shan hu hai , yi lu xiang bei and feng

anyway... i'll post pictures of the wednesday's rockers' supper soon.. we really had a damn fun time.. with benpor's hump-a-lot dog haha... what a horny piece of dog. and the spread of food was great! charlotte, eugene and me baked this dunno how you call it pie (we call it the charleemian)... it has layers of cheese, potatoes, beef and egg... especially the beef.. it was the best part lah! and guess who fried it.. haha..

edit : here are some of the pictures...

the charleemian, fresh from the oven, and sliced up

L-R, top to bottom:
1. shili's pork rib dunnowat noodles; carol's pumpkin kueh
2. kerbapbap skewers, carol's chicken wings
3. some (another) potato dish and garlic bread
4 and 5. terence's pizzas!
6. the charleemian
7. some damn nice pasta. shit.. who made it?!
8. charleemian's failed brownie cousin
9. same as 1.

benpordog eli was going around humping everyone, he finally had a taste of his own medicine

this is what happens when you lose a game of taboo to seniors

like charlotte said, she just liked the lighting. me too. nice pic.

----
sigh i cannot find the lyrics for the shan hu hai.. they are such beautiful words..

todays' picture of the day :

'crying felice' by john 'amai' greneby

haha maybe i should start this kind of picture collection... some anime on the web is just so beautiful

heart's cry...

2006-02-23T15:07:00.000+08:00

yesterday morning i had a dream. it wasn't a horrific type so maybe it doesn't classify as a nightmare. but it wasn't a pleasant dream either... in fact it had every single sense of sadness in it...

i woke up on a pillow soaked with tears and sweat. .. the dream had sucked me in.. despite how sad the feelings i experienced were, i was just pulled into it and stare helplessly as the sequence of events unfolded in front of my eyes...

my struggles were useless.. my cries couldn't be heard... my tears fell into empty space... a dream is always exclusive to your feelings. and after the sad story had been whispered to me.. all i could do was lie in a state of wreck and tears until i decided to let it go and accept fate.

even as i moved on into consciousness, it took me a full hour to reconcile the events and realise that all my fears hadn't happened in the mortal world yet. but as i had mentioned about dreams, i became closer to my heart and knew better about the people i would fight to defend.

as i sit praying for protection for the ones i love, my heart plays a game of see-saw with my mind.. because sometimes you know... some things are impossible.. like escaping from a dream.

some flash...

2006-02-22T13:48:00.000+08:00

ok this is a short post... i just spent a lot of time figuring some flash out and the result is this header you see above... please tell me what you think about it so i can improve it!

free night...

2006-02-20T03:26:00.000+08:00

memories of a red autumn is truly just a memory now.. and in certain ways it will be a memory dear to me.. for all sorts of reasons imaginable...

the past 4 months were nightly affairs with the same group of people, playing the same songs, to the same actors, with the same lyrics.. it sure was a boring job, and to the seniors to were in production last year, even more boring that the word 'dog'. but it was an experience, above everything else... a virgin musical performance. one that would never have even been imagined had i not stepped into kent ridge hall...

and now i suffer from the withdrawal symptoms we knew were going to hit us.. 9pm's and 10pm's finally exist in my world... and its quite heartwarming to know you don't have to go back to the mpsh everyday... especially tonight when it was full of those smelly IRN people... still borrow drums from us some more... tmd... stink up the equipment, i'm going to quarantine myself from the band room for 3 weeks. for study purposes, for cold-turkey-from-keyboard purposes, and for nose health.

but yeah, you finally have the extra 4 hours everyday you swore you'd use to catch up on your work. but its so easy to just pretend that amount of time is still meant to be thrown away. but at least i managed to do a little work just now... the first step is always the hardest.. now the semester officially begins for mr ian low soon-to-be sergeant ian low...

just wanna tell the whole world that this year the hall production was a BIG success.. i mean it is easy to look at the down sides of the musical instead of what went right..

on the acting side : i know you guys probably have something to say like the acting/singing leaves could be better, esp the singing... well, the whole production team knows that. but did you know they had a shortage of actors? its already hard to find people who can sing... plus act? lets just hand it to them, they really did as best as kr could afford, since so many able people refuse to audition.

on the lighting side : you probably agree it was nice. yes. please... go around and tell your friends how beautiful the set and lighting were. i could swear a heard a lot of 'ooh's and 'waaa's the moment the stage was lighted up in the first song.

on the script : yup, its quite true the plot was quite rushed but the ending isn't abrupt or 'wtf' type of ending lah.. anyway its a musical. you want good story go and read book LOL

on the music : what can i say, everyone said the music was good... thanks so much for your compliments :)

anyway i said that this year's musical was good because all you guys need to do is imagine the amount of effort that was invested into it. its really nice to see people like prabs and kelchoo... who had nothing to do with the production... with msn nicknames praising us for a 'goodshit', and 'blast'.. thanks guys..

or maybe you guys can't understand... as was the case with xinli and her cheerleading, only the people involved will truly understand the nature of the whole event. well then, it is a great feeling that only the few of us can keep. and i'm deeply honoured to be part of the few.

*curtains close*

...pictures so far...

me, jo, huiying

jinx & me

so many pretty ger.. hoho

facade?

2006-02-19T15:39:00.000+08:00

p mseems like the whole world is doing this.. though i feel its quite an egoistic thing.. i shall attract some people to do it as well... my post on hall production will come soon don't worry!

my johari window

and

my nohari window

reasons why hall production is bad for you...

2006-02-15T01:20:00.000+08:00

1. time
as quoted from yinqiboo, your life will revolve around 4 things : lessons, production, anime/tv and sleep... although i don't really watch anime anymore.. i think i msn/blog surf instead.. and where the hell do you find SO MUCH time to watch anime?! when i watch, i watch it for hours at a go...

2. friends
when you stay in hall you neglect your friends outside. i concede that and admit it. but what about when you join hall production and you start to neglect your hall friends? i've more or less missed out pinknblue, missed dinners with my block, missed softball supper, and will be missing the steamboat/yusang dinner tomorrow, and the a block supper.. i can't remember when it is because it doesn't matter... so above all, people are starting to leave me out of the action.

3. studies
its impossible to study in between songs during production. the voices interrupt your thoughts and i'm a 'no-distraction' kind of person. i don't know how the hell jiemin sleeps like a POS every night. so while you can bring 40 pages of notes down, you'll end up reading only 2.

4. supper
hall production lasting until 2am is an excuse to eat supper and fatten up.. or even if there is no supper, there are countless chinese new year goodies and peanuts and whatnots. and on the topic of supper, hall production was the reason behind the breaking of tradition. NO ROCKERS SUPPER AFTER TGIO. i could swear TGIO stands for Rockers Supper After Performance...

5. nicknames
when you spend too much time with a bunch of morons, nicknames start to form. to date there are such nicks as, tausarpiah, the pout.. and of course, i'm the proud owner of the monicker kittiporn. thanks to charlotte, yinqi, hanrong and ahleem. and i'm so proud of it.. i actually hunted down the shirt...
6. 'saikang'
while hall production means 2 nights of performance on the 17th and 18th... it actually means a lot more.. for us at least, it meant the formation of the kr con-men, as a conveinience band because we were around during the holidays... performed at 2 gigs at taka and soc (not standard obstacle course, zhihao).. while we had fun.. its just shiok to point at these things and say "saikang!!!"

7. PT
its damn xiong to carry the drums, keyboards and amps night after night from the band room to the stage and back again, each time having to dismantle and set up the equipment... and all of you don't siao siao.. purposely leave the heavy bass drum shit for last.. then geh siao 'i look at you, you look at me'.. and it doesn't help when jiemin the POS comes late. stupid girl.. whole day making out in her room.

8. saturdays
saturday also kena burn leh! record the hall production music at temasek.. and their stupid room no air con on saturday lah... machiam sauna, i could see the cockroach evaporating into a brown fart.

9. dota
it sucks when you return back to you laptop after practice and there were like 3 people who msn'ed you with simple one-line sentences like '179.27.14.90'
for the sotongs, it means someone jio me to play dota. but the game has already started. and its already 2am. nobody is going to play a next game.

10. you make shitty friends
with people like lin, hanrong, zhonghan, zhanrui, POS jiemin, ivan, keith, charlotte, abang, elvin, amandae, weiren, sebby AND YINQIBOO etc.. the list goes on and on... you really don't need enemies.

well to top it all off, at least hall production is coming to a close soon. and tickets are selling well.. i'd like to thank all the supporters, including a one person who couldn't make it... and yup, we won't disappoint you!

random fart...

2006-02-14T01:51:00.000+08:00

just some stuff taken off matthew's blog. happy birthday man!

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

tuesday is the first official day of bumping in for the hall production. no more rehearsals in kent ridge anymore. goodbye to the small stage and hello to the real thing.. really starts you make me a little nervous.. having just less than 3 days to prepare for the big show..

i wanna bring up a referral to hong's latest post... in which she and her bunch of girlfriends cooked up some kind of fondue with marshmellows and strawberry... its amazing how the whole thing is actually fondue but she didn't mention that word even once in her blog. oh well.. anyway i'm mentioning this simply because of something ahleem has told me about:

"girls ah, give them chocolate, strawberry.. and wine... and they are all yours man"

haha.. *adds a certain 3 items to his shopping must-get list*

sleepless in singapore...

2006-02-11T06:07:00.000+08:00

you all know how it feels, tossing yourself in bed for half an hour, squeezing your eyes shut for so long it hurts, a bugging contraction from your stomach making you fantasise about breakfast, and a half-filled bladder you're too lazy to clear. ok fine.. *visits the toilet*

*returns from toilet*

is all well? some friends have been bugging me with the question, and i cannot say 'yes', my friends, neither can i say 'no'. because if i say no, then all hasn't been well for a long time... i supposed the answer, then, is that everything is manageable and within my stride..

i do have problems, but you're not gonna hear about them a-la-carte on this blog. because too many people would read this blog, and i am sometimes too lazy to write obliquely in such a manner that those who are supposed to understand will understand, while the rest will just stare at some beautifully crafted text and wonder at my profoundness as is the case of charlotte chew..

and i am not about to take on a stance of f***-what-you-think... because as much as i AM a f***-what-you-think person, i am not ready to be a f***-what-you-do-to-me person. and the garmen is watching somemore... see, i'm already to thoughtful to censor the f-word, as though you idiots won't be pronouncing the show-hand version of it in your brains.

this blog is kept for some of my friends who indulge in an activity called 'blog-surfing'. i myself am not into the sport, and i am more selfishly interested in maintaining my own blog, haha.. anyway my webcounter has tracked an increase of visits from 20-odd to 30 within the last 2 months... while it isn't a very impressive number (girls get all the visits from sick people like me), i thank all the readers out there who remain loyal to this blogger.com slum.

sometimes i wonder if my posts ever entertain you people. i mean i know most of you so i try to blog things that are relevant, but which you won't find on other people's blog as well.. *thinks of hailin and jinx* so i usually stay away from big event happenings, unless i have a lot to say..

and sometimes relevant stuff becomes boring when it is writen by yours truly.. you know how that feels? to feel so excited while you're blogging you tell yourself its gonna be a great post, but after you click 'publish' you're like "thats one real lousy piece of shit"...

...just like this post, which serves nothing more than a groin scratch to coax myself back to sleep. need to wake up at 8am

jay chou : coral sea ~ shan hu hai

pink n blue...

2006-02-10T04:26:00.000+08:00

its 4:30am and i'm sitting here whimpering over my leg. because 2 people have thoughtfully attempted to wax my leg hair... being very proud of my hair, i promtly remove the wax strip (which takes a long time to dry)... and then they were like "how come the hair still there?"... noobs. anyway the residual glue sticks and doesn't come off, just like how the residual sticky shits remain from price tags u peel off.

saw prabs 'confronting' the girls after they went to carry forward their pranks over to b-block.. also having their pink n blue season.. sigh.. guys lets just not make this whole thing turn ugly ok? as prank players, please have your own limits also. i was bathing and..:

first, the shower head had blue detergent poured into it, that took like 10 minutes to clear
second, somebody came up and off the lights and off the heater

i was kind enough not to shout also and just take it as a simple prank.. later i heard from carolyn there was a plan to also pour that sesame oil/vinegar/egg combo into the shower cubicle from the small hole on top, in a attempt to hit the person. and ah, i must say... lucky you guys decided not to do it..

just to tell everyone, guys and girls included... so that you ought to think in the future, in case you didnt:
have you considered that you can never hit the person with that mixture through the hole, and just end up staining whatever was hanging at the clothes bar behind the door? that would mean my towel being stained. and i don't have an extra towel in hall.

i just hope that everyone involved in this pink n blue (i'm not aiming the girls. i'm telling the guys as well) to exercise some thought into your pranks and make sure the victim 'has a way out', and don't go overboard by your own standards. imagine the prank played on yourself first. so don't worry, go ahead and throw eggs at our door, and harpic our showerheads, and wax our legs. but please, recognise the limit when it comes.

being 'lost in the heat of the moment' is no longer an excuse.

sorry if i offended anyone. feel free to blast me. but maybe i must agree with marcus that this pink and blue thing is a tad annoying.. its probably not fun to be played a prank at a time when i'm struggling with my own hall production and school work clashes.. and i can only TRY to be understand toward the people who just wanna have fun in the spirit of pink n blue... and especially when i can't really get myself deeply involved in blueing people even if i wanted to...

it just all happens at the wrong time lah

[akan datang post]
-tgio

recording...

2006-02-07T02:34:00.000+08:00

had a recording session for the production songs this evening at temasek hall.. they have a music room with studio recording equipment. its not very professional, but they still have the equipment which is expensive nonetheless.. somehow kent ridge hall, with the most formidable band among the halls, has quite pathetic music room equipment.

the production comm has to fork out 80 bucks per hour to temasek for use of the studio.. like what crap man.. even though the price is a lot cheaper than outside, that is mainly due to the less professional (but still reasonable) equipment. and they really wasted our time there lor... seting up the amps and mikes and stuff only after we came.. and we were expecting to come and simply plug in, test sound and play.. well not until one and a half hours later.

nonetheless, the recording was an experience. we were playing into the system and recording each instrument as a seperate track. the tracks could then later be edited and mixed to produce the final song. and what is the good news? a cd is apparently going to be produced after the actors and ensemble add in their vocals. haha my first cd!

still got about half the number of songs to go through, as well as re-recording some of the tracks that sounded quite off today.. i want to redo one of my songs... too much piano.. not used to playing accompaniment to people singing. i'm usually my own melody machine lol...

anyway there is something i really must blog about.. sometimes these students from china really behave very weirdly. today i was on the nus shuttle bus back to hall...

TOWARDS FRONT

A B

C D

TOWARDS BACK

.. an illustration of 4 seats among the left aisle of the bus. anyway i was seating at C right? and there was another person at A. then these two china students (china. not chinese.) came and sat at B and D. they are talking and laughing lah.. so they must be friends. after 1 or 2 stops the person at A alighted, leaving an empty seat there right?

then the guy at B moves to A. but what happens next? the girl at D didn't move to B! and then they continued talking and laughing across the seats! the guy was like tilting his body and turning his head to talk to the girl it seemed so uncomfortable. and the girl just sat there and laughed equally loudly back.. like wtf man... seat B is empty man. well not until another 4 stops when someone came to sit there and i alighted..

crazy man.. these shits.

i uninstalled warcraft...

2006-02-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

thats right... ian is going to be out of the dota scene for a time to come... sigh.. until now i still can't believe it. but heh.. whats done is done.. and i'm too lazy to install it again.. and one of the cd's is with joshua anyway.. so its goodbye dota and hello msn! will be much less of a dead talker too.. so some of you can start feeling more treasured.

jamx @ scape this evening... the rachels got 3rd place and best original composition... and the dubious brothers were the champs! do feel a little sorry that the rachels didn't win overall but at least they won the best original composition.. which is quite a big prize too.. and they know for a fact the champions are really good.. the dubious brothers are damn good lah!

and they get to record a song with a company.. how i wish for a chance to cut my own album like that... will definately support them when the song comes out.. do watch this space.

softball...

2006-02-04T21:44:00.000+08:00

finally, after so many months of training, it all boils down to this: a day long carnival that started at 8am and ended at 7pm. for those who wanna skip the softball crap.. just scroll down to the end of the post

we won sheares in the first game, and they were out of the tournament after that, because they lost to eusoff in an earlier match, which was really surprsing because sheares' softball is much stronger. well shit happens i guess.

eusoff hall was next in the group stage matches and since we were already through to the semis, we fielded in second teams (i'm in the second team) and stuff like that. basically we just took the game as a friendly.. and well we lost in the end... not that we really wanted to win it or anything. but well i got my only chance to play during this game.. sian.

down to the semis against raffles. i tell you guys, don't ever underestimate raffles hall. maybe their ihgs suck, but not for softball. anyway i really must talk about this game. because we escaped with murder.
early on in the game we were 'throwing it away'. the score was like raffles leading 6-2 in the 2nd inning, and then it started raining. when the match resumed after half an hour, we were down like 1 run and it was bottom 3rd.. (raffles' turn to bat). the cut-off time for extra innings was 10 minutes away, meaning that if we dragged the bottom inning more than 10 minutes, there was not going to be extra innings and we'll lose because we don't have any more chances to bat and score. the mission? kill 3 batters within 10 minutes.
a standard inning lasts about 15 minutes, even if all batters up are immediately killed (3 up 3 down). god knows how edwin managed to rush his pitches and still keep tossing strikes at the opponent. i still can't believe it. but anyways we killed 3 runners within 7 minutes. with 3 minutes to go before the cut-off, a fourth inning was declared to be played

kent ridge up at bat. scored 3. raffles trailing by 2.
raffles up at bat. scored 1. the lead was closed down to 1. their tieing run was at 3rd base, just waiting to score. and he did, but the umpired called off the play.. turns out that the batter (some indian girl) flung the bat very dangerously behind after she hit the ball and she was called out with no-play.
raffles 2 down, still trailing by 1, with the tieing run still at 3rd base. a nice grounder ball was hit to the left field. spectacular save by edwin, and no-mistake throw to 1st base. game over!

no one can ever imagine how nerve-wrecking the whole game was. people actually broke down after the game, and it wasn't even the finals yet. but we really escaped big time. a miracle had happened and i have personally never experienced anything like it. at least 3 lifelines were thrown at us, including finish the inning in 7 minutes, a super bad mistake by them when we were batting, and finally that suicide flung bat by the indian girl. i tell you. i really thank her.

well now that raffles was done with (despite many arguments over loose rules), temasek (who totally trashed eusoff) stood between us and the gold. feelings about the match were mixed. we won them easily during the friendlies, but yet they trashed eusoff. i mean eusoff isn't that bad. eusoff wasn't bad. it was temasek's day.

when it came down to us, we just couldn't stop temasek's runs. they got walks at full counts, they got free bases like nobody's business. our pitcher was doing a very good job already, always bringing the play to full count, forcing them to hit. and hit they did, f***ing good line drive hits then cannot be killed, and have no choice but to concede one or two bases. one by one their runs came in. the score was 16-3 by the start of the 5th and last inning. i still recall a nightmare 3rd inning when they scored 9 runs alone. we just couldn't kill them and when we had the chance, we made a mistake. we tried to fight back in the end but it wasn't enough. settle for silver medal lor.

all in all, i feel that the slowpitch game that we play is damn lame lah. all you need to do is be able to hit, and you will win... but i shall not go into the technicalities. next year we need to do much better batting. talk about next year, many of the senior players are leaving already. they have really formed the backbone on what makes the team strong. people like kaiwen, esther, liling, leong and chris. really makes me damn sad to see them leave the team after today.

didn't get to play much today... spent most of my time keeping score for the team (keeping softball score is a lot more tedious than just writing the immediate score) and managing the line ups... felt like a team manager. i'd like to play the game itself, but i'm glad the team did a good job, so at least i don't feel like i really ought to play.

and speaking of keeping score. i wanna f*** all those people who keep asking me for the score. especially during the final game. firstly i'm more of keeping statistics than score. and you could jolly well do your own counting. when we are losing like shit, and it is obvious we are losing like shit, it doesn't matter what the score is now, and one minute later, and another minute later. the last thing i need is some f***er keep asking me what the score is, another f***er asking me a moment later. i have been playing softball more than you, and i love the game a lot more and understand a lot more than you. i really have a lot more on my mind than to cater to your pathetic needs of knowing the score is 10-1? and what are you gonna do? you're just a benchwarmer like me. so can you please at least be a USEFUL benchwarmer?

i'm sorry if i offended anyone. but i really think in softball when your team is in this kind of situation, you really shouldn't keep asking for the score. firstly score isn't important DURING the play. you just play. i tell you the score also you are just going to say "shit"...if you ask for the score after the inning then no problem i will tell you. but not when the opponent is scoring 1 run every minute and you have to keep asking for score! better maturity guys. please.

------

well thats the end of softball for a long time to come. i came home and this was staring at me in the face

You 3SG LOW WEE JIN, IAN NRIC S84XXXXXX are required under XXXXXXXXXXXX of the Enlistment Act, Cap 93 to report for service at 07:30 hrs on 29/05/2006 at XXXXXXXXXXXXXX Camp for the purpose of XXXXXXXXXXX ICT. Your service will be up to 02/06/2006, 23:59 hrs.
You are to report in FULL UNIFORM

sian.... no more mister low. hello 3rd sergeant ian

kena tag...

2006-02-02T04:49:00.000+08:00

ok.. i'm finally doing this... when daphne tagged me a month back i was like "what the hell..", then charlene tagged and i was "ok i'll do it sometime".. and now marcus.. so i guess i better just sit down and work...

Rule 1: List 5 Weird or Random Things About Yourself

1. my rate of shitting is actually quite low.. and borders around the average of once every 2 days. somehow i only shit when i need to, and each session rarely lasts more than 5 minutes. just go in, crap, clean and out.

2. i've sprained my left ankle about 5 times. i've also sprained my right ankle about that many times.

3. i've a sinus problem. i'm practically suffering from a blocked nose (of varying degrees) 50% of the time. when i wake up in the morning and i sneeze within the first 10 minutes, i'll start sneezing the whole day. that is probably like an extra 100 sneezes.

4. i'm the sort of person who pampers himself with food rather than clothes, gadgets etc.. it just seems like a cheap, instant gratification. but i'm about to change that.. coming to realise like the latter is more permanent. the former is also permanent, but you'll wish it was temporary.

5. its 5am and i have class at 10am. ok not very impressive. but so were the previous points. sorry lah i'm lazy.. you may think i'm interesting, but i don't have interesting facts about myself :P

Rule 2: List 5 People You Want To Do This Quiz

charlotte, han na, jolene, serene, yinqi (haha in alpha order.. so don't fight, girls!)

Rule 3: Next, leave a comment 'You're tagged.' on their blog and ask them to check your blog for the rules.

the rose...

2006-01-31T15:19:00.000+08:00

because sometimes it is so nice to fall back on a song you've known for a long time...

some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed
some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed
some say love, it is a hunger; an endless saking need
i say love, it is a flower; and you- its only seed

it's the heart afriad of breaking, that never learns to dance
it's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance
it's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give
and the soul afriad of dying, that never learns to live

and the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong

just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow
lies a seed that with the sun's love
in the spring, becomes a rose

what am i doing with my life?

2006-01-31T03:08:00.000+08:00

i don't know. maybe you tell me.
(to wei ann: i hate rubber lips)

some stupid gig on wednesday at school of computing.. heard from lin probably around 8pm.. and all nus bands again.. and its another opportunity for us to embarass all other bands present.. and playing the same songs as those at the takashimaya gig.. 2nd chance for people who didn't turn up...
but seriously... school of computing 8pm? like who the hell would be there.. the sweeper uncle lah..

gong xi fa cai...

2006-01-30T03:03:00.000+08:00

yep.. happy new year to everyone who celebrates.. anyway this post isn't going to be much about chinese new year because as some of you might have know.. it has stopped being much happening for me... hopefully some plan of a housevisit with daph might materialise, or someone will jio me to play mahjong.

before i forget.. this is an advertisement for my hall production. i will try my best to ask each and everyone personally, but if i have already asked you, please seriously consider going for the performance! and tell me quickly so i can get tickets for you. can either email me at yanluo@hotmail.com (please put some topic like 'hall production' so i can filter apart from junk, just in case your email isn't added)

here are the details...

Kent Ridge Hall Production 2006

presents...

Memories of a Red Autumn

7:30pm

17th (Fri) & 18th (Sat) February

NUS University Cultural Centre

yeah i think the time is 730.. if not then 7pm.. and for those who still don't know.. i'm one of the instrumentalists for the musical. not an actor.. so you might not see me. but i hope at least you'd appreciate the music... so yep, please get back to me asap!

exit light...

2006-01-28T04:21:00.000+08:00

you know you are sleepy when...

anyway its quite sad when you had band practice on the day almost everyone else has gone home for the chinese new year break.. and i thought i could enjoy a day without hall production practice.... not to say that jamming sucks lah.. it is always fun.. but i think go home more fun.

and to top it off.. i have a softball friendly game tomorrow morning with raffles hall... oh well.. think i should sleep soon for that...

i'm reserving any negative comments about my project groupings for my management and ctw modules... lets just say that i've been hoping for a team of people i knew.. and in a certain way... i have been robbed of just that... and in one case, thrown into a group that leaves much to be desired. but i'm giving it a chance.. so i'm reserving my comments. do not be surprised if one day ian starts to blog shit about any of these people. i really hope i never reach that level. and contrary to what you think, that hope DOESN'T look bleak.

dyed my hair diy with ah leem today... in the end mine turned out more successful than his... and it is now some sort of shade of brown... but yet not too obvious.. so its good.

things are starting to fall back into place... i've caught up 3 hours of lecture today, i've settled a few stuff here and there... i've FINALLY received a sum of money due from the scholarship office... so everything should be ok.. yet i feel emptiness... emptiness as time marches into chinese new year... why har?

in between...

2006-01-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

so i decided to put this picture on my msn... and for those who are curious, that girl is charlotte and she's the one who added the pink words (in an attempt to suck up to me)... and i put this picture because zhonghan also had a picture with her on msn so thought i should do the same and make her feel special. seems like everyone wanted to know more.. but sorry to disappoint you guys.

wei ann: Geishas are ugly. says:
eh? who's that girl?

ian : the saint valentine's day curse says:
just some girl lah

wei ann: Geishas are ugly. says:
org... i can see that

wei ann: Geishas are ugly. says:
anything i can't see one?

ian : the saint valentine's day curse says:
yah

ian : the saint valentine's day curse says:
we are naked below the waist

...went to catch the free reverie concert (featuring the dubious brothers!) at lt13 just now... tmd they are so cool lah... i wish i can play a guitar like that... i can't even play a keyboard like that.. *grits teeth and vows to improve skills*

finally had a break from hall production today.. time to catch up on some work.. thankfully my thursdays and fridays are quite light so they are for me to catch up... and to blog for my loyal supporters *counts... 10*

well, till then... for now.. advertisement.

JamX finals on 5th Feb

the Rachels

the Dubious Brothers

the mood...

2006-01-18T17:31:00.000+08:00

today, she's been working
she's been talking
she's been smoking
but it's gonna be alright

cos tonight, we'll go dancing
we'll go laughing
we'll get carsick

and it'll be okay
like everyone says
it'll be alright
and ever so nice
we're going out tonight
out and about tonight

oh whatever makes her happy
on a saturday night
oh whatever makes her happy
whatever makes it alright

gig...

2006-01-16T02:32:00.000+08:00

two gigs yesterday.. one i performed and one i didn't..

first the latter... superband contest, youth park
i really don't know how to describe the whole event because you have to be there to understand and realise everything yourself... all in all.. i feel that the contest was looking for a certain kind of music.. with a certain kind of band? i really don't know.. because there were a few useless girl group s.h.e. wannabes and they simply went up and made a crap of themselves because..
1. they had no band
2. they had no music
3. they can't sing

so i knew like our band was going to make it.. like we had everything. everything that the contest proclaimed to be scouting for. of course it came as a cruel shock to me when we were eliminated in the end. the audience there were a very quiet bunch but they suddenly started clapping for us (ok i've been using 'us' even though i am not part of the band).. so like wtf right? everybody wanted us to get it but the judges felt otherwise. scandalous decision. but all i can say is, lets not waste our f***ing time on this joke of a competition. we are rockers. not teenage candy shit.

now on to the taka gig..
all i can say is. we ruled the stage. :)
for those who weren't there we did 4 songs.. (some of the kr people would have heard it before)

matchbox twenty : bright lights
stone temple pilots : plush
bryan adams : the only thing that looks good on me
bon jovi : i'll be there for you

i survived...

2006-01-14T03:44:00.000+08:00

..the first week of school! and from what has happened this week i think it's quite a 'bad start'.. to put in 4 words, "ian doesn't feel very academic anymore"

monday : had physics lecture in the morning... there was a 4 hour break to the next lecture.. and immediately i went with alan and edwin to play pool at bukit timah plaza... haha like what the hell.. first day already like that.. but then next time don't have chance mah.. must take advantage of our youth.
..then 2 hours of computing lecture.. sleep through like half hour of it.. damn sleepy lah.. stupid lunch. and then its quite paikia of us to do this but like first maths lecture already skip... jitao never give the lecturer a chance lor...
.. and why should we? its the same lecturer from last semester... so we already give him one whole semester of chance.. well seems like ma1506 is gonna be another 'skip-lecture-and-watch-webcast' thing... and this time i'm gonna set a 0% attendence record.. last sem was 40%.. pui

tuesday : racist tongue in cheek comment (please don't sue me! *beg*) i told wei'ann... the fact that hari raya is on the second day of school shows how much they can take school work... "alamak sekolah boleh tahan sial.."

wednesday : uneventful 2 hours of physics... but probably the most productive day in the week because i didn't fall asleep during the lecture.. and you know what.. i think my physics lecturer is not bad.. but shit.. i was understanding everything he taught until they involved calculus... why! why!

thursday : i only realised last minute that there was no eg1413 lecture... eg1413 is creative thinking writing.. i have absolutely no idea why an english module has an engineering module code.. but anyway heng i found out before i sleep.. can play 1 more game of dota and wake up for lunch. then i had management lecture... the lecturer is a joke lah... proudly proclaiming that he is part of the 25% of the population who doesn't own a handphone... well mister, has it occurred to you that this 25% are mostly people living in poverty? stupid... my respect for taiwanese go down like that.. always thought taiwan is all the jay chou and hebe and wu jia jing.. then in the end this piece of pile. can still flash 2 dumb pictures of him on the powerpoint and ask which one we prefer.. siao liao lar.. bid wrong.

friday : self proclaimed free day. again skip maths lecturer.. must maintain 0%. don't give face. dota more important.

rock n roll...

2006-01-12T03:59:00.000+08:00

back from supper with hanrong and zhonghan (the hans) at fongseng... it seems like every other minute is spent with the rockers now.. we're either doing hall production, or tgio, or whatever stuff... here is the list of events involving us these coming weeks...

1. funkamania guest performance
2. yijia's superband contest
3. jamx
4. tgio
5. hall production

funkamania guest performance... its gonna happen this saturday at ngee ann city civic plaza... thats the big square with all the fountains etc at takashimaya... yup.. actually the main event is funkamania.. a tertiary dance competition organised by nus.. but there will be a few guest performances by various bands... and The Con-men (thats our band name.. don't ask me) will be representing the kr rockers... 4 songs that will definately blow your ass off... so be there around 5pm onwards (our performance is 6 plus) and cheer for the kr steppers too..!

superband contest... our dear yijia has decided to take part in channel u's superband contest.. and so he has turned to us to furbish a band to go along... well the auditions will be this saturday too.. yes saturday is so gonna be a busy day... and even though i am not playing.. i have decided to help miss tau sar piah jiemin carry the keyboard around...

jamx... 21st january is the jamx preliminaries at youth park. our very own band the rachels will be performing their original song a world less ordinary... a genesis of jazz and rock.. omg i am so impressed by this band... and sarah plays such a mean jazz piano... its a good thing i'm not taking part.. haha

well not much is known on tgio yet and hall production is basically just sucking up a lot of time... heh. anyway here is the poster for the production...

...starring our very own weiling as en and sebestian as jing...

those who wanna get tickets can contact me too!

here i come...

2006-01-09T00:07:00.000+08:00

i love my playlist.. really.. with nice rock music like hanson, MCR and GnR, the only thing that is wrong is the bloody cold weather.. i mean cool weather is good.. but not when its cold that your fingers and toes start a cold sweat.

tomorrow's the start of the 2nd semester... its back to studies... and well i hope its gonna be more fun than last semester.. but the timetable tells a story that goes against my hopes.. i have like 4 days that are 9 to 5... i think i ought to be paid for studying.

anyway joshua has come to my block! woot.. and all along i thought he was just bullshitting about it... so yeah... its good to have another friend appear in hall.. especially in my block... welcome welcome!

my night just became a little happier.. but i gotta wake up at 8am tomorrow.. tmd..

ryuichi kawamura : ne

just maybe...

2006-01-06T02:00:00.000+08:00

maybe the world isn't blue and green
maybe it isn't round
you fly one round and end up at the same spot
but what was in the past is not today

maybe every cloud doesn't have a silver lining
maybe every silver lining has a black shadow
and its hard to smile from the bottom of your heart
and someday that heart will die

maybe every man is in dying peril
awaiting a miracle to rescue him from the darkness
maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel
for rebirth comes only after death

maybe i never had to go through all this
i lie at the fate of my own mistakes
and everything i saw were but delusions
but maybe there is a chance

just maybe...

1 jan!

2006-01-01T17:50:00.000+08:00

well i'm not going to be bullshitting about hope this year will be a better year blah blah shit... such stuff are just irritating and don't work so i'll just say Happy New Year to all you guys. yup that should be enough. i even use capital letter leh.. don't say i never make effort lor.

haha. alrite here's whats been going on the past few days...

there was a very surprised yihong on the 30th when 3 groups of her friends (sec, jc and nyp) gave her a month-old belated (thanks to the fact that she flew to australia on her birthday) birthday celebration at east coast park.. after much trouble trying to get the fire up, we ate a few hotdogs and chicken wings.. and dammit her friend (can't remember her name) can marinate the wings damn well, make muah chee, cook chicken curry... like where to find man! housewife material leh...
and after presenting her a webcam, i now present to you, yihong ~the webcam whore~ haha.

pretty or not!? chio right! eh guys i can give her your contact number for 10 bucks.. yihong you just tahan one call we share 50 50 lah haha.. (alrite no.. i won't give your number)

then on new year's eve i had morning softball training. not say i want to say, but training really sucked. nobody one. the field muddy muddy. almost everything about the training sucked lah.. for the first time i really felt like i should have skipped it. but oh well..

went home for a quick bath.. then to kaiwen's place for LAN party and bbq! wah i tell you i never knew kaiwen was so rich.. his house is a bungalow man.. anyway its really funny how we made 2 rooms wireless LAN rooms to play dota.. i've never been to this kind of LAN party so its quite funny.. the shouting going around is just amazing..
then i had my 2nd bbq in 2 days.. wah i can almost feel the fats liquefying inside me body now... food was great as usual and the fire this time is 10 times more powerful! haha.. anyway thanks kaiwen for the place and the food.. sorry that i left early...
..cos after that it was down to keef's house! just a small bunch to sit down and slack... ah leem, ah boo, charlotte, keef, humsup hanrong, victor and me.. besides watching mickey blue eyes and as good as it gets, and hide and seek, we learnt several useless facts, like conscience = con-science.. and goes against your science. and that ah leem - reason - accountability = ah boo

haha well.. back home. enjoy your new years everyone

polaris...

2005-12-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

i'll say it straight and plain
i know i've made mistakes
i've always been afraid
i've always been afraid

a thousand nights or more
i've travelled east and north
please answer the door

can you tell me?
you say that love goes anywhere
in your darkest time, its just enough to know its there
when you go i'll let you be
but you're killing everything in me

get down on your knees
whisper what i need
something pretty
something pretty

i feel that when i'm old
i'll look at you and know
the world was beautiful

then you tell me
you say that love goes anywhere
in your darkest time, its just enough to know its there
when you go i'll let you be
but you're killing everything in me

i'm done there nothing left to show
i try but i can't let go
are you happy where you're standing still?
do you really want the sugar pill?
i'll wake up tomorrow and i'll start
tonight it feels so hard
as the train approaches Gare du Nord
as i'm sure your kiss remains employed
am i only dreaming?

you say that love goes anywhere
in your darkest time, its just enough to know its there
when you go i'll let you be
but you're killing everything in me

when you go i'll let you be
but you're killing everything in me

-jimmy eat world

merry christmas...

2005-12-25T18:47:00.000+08:00

christmas eve always holds at least 10 times more meaning to me than christmas day itself.. i don't know why.. and i hoped everyone has enjoyed themselves last night.. like one of the last parties before term starts!

was out with daph, weiann and yup, and carys and alan later joined us.. dinner was at this cosy restaurant around raffles hotel called seah street deli. no matter how cheena or 'killeney road kopitiam'ish the name sounds, this place is actually a normal american restaurant, just like nydc and the like..

the waiters and waitresses all had to wear this dorkish outfit.. suspenders and cap and checkered pants.. and that was when i came up with the idea of my "loser restaurant".. where i'll make the service crew don dunce caps and huddle and face the corner until they are called upon.. and top contender for staff manager goes to daphne, no thanks for being so clumsy with our 'chocolate decadence' cake.

note to self : chijmes has a live-band pub with a bloody age limit of 23.. like what kind of stupid number. yah when i'm 23 i wouldn't be surprised you suddenly jacked it up to 25... then i bumped into the kr aca ppl... singing carols outside the something hog restaurant..

headed down to clarke quay.. (after getting lost around boat quay) and finally settled down at the crazy elephant... how nice.. had a table with perfect view of the band.. not sure what the band is called but they sure are a misfitted bunch.. a hot 20+ angmoh on guitar and vocals, a 30+ construction-worker-look-alike on lead guitar, a 40+ malay/philippino on bass and a 20+ chinese on drums.. like wth

but the ang moh has a good voice.. really. they jived blues rock until we left then they started playing more funky songs.. damn.. oh well... can always go there another time...

merry christmas!

results...

2005-12-24T09:29:00.000+08:00

i've gotten back my first results yeah they are good like many people had expected.. anyway i shall not be a bitch about it, and there are some people i should really thank.
people who have put up with any form of bitching, whining.. people who have to constantly remind me to pay attention to my studies.. people who have studied with me.. anyone who thinks you deserve my thanks, yeah i have thought about you and thanked you deep in my heart..

its christmas eve!

stabs...

2005-12-21T18:25:00.000+08:00

it hurts.. and hurts... and hurts.
somebody has to rip out my heart one of these days

i'm torn right now

help me up

give me your hand

smile at me

and tell me

i was hallucinating

thought...

2005-12-21T02:35:00.000+08:00

i'd give up going to heaven
if i knew i'd see you in hell

white christmas...

2005-12-20T02:50:00.000+08:00

the hourglass casted on a roulette wheel
its sand melts into a fate of dust and smoke
a fate that burns off as it is created
no more habouring the innocence of yesterday

the tree stands firm against the winds of time
its branches stripped bare; a withered stalk
face the turbulent winter and survive
struggle and find back what you have lost

the winter wolves trot the white pasture
their hunger stifled by buried scraps of food
dig for your own future in the icy graves
who knows what you will find

the torrents burn the grass into white flames
unforgiving in the destruction of everything rich
spin a web of bleaching death upon the people
until the killing is almost.. beautiful

english :
time is running out
find the courage
take a big step
see what the future holds
before its too late

christmas?

2005-12-18T01:51:00.000+08:00

when i was 5, i didn't even know what christmas was to me. probably at that age, it was just simply a day both my parents would be around? not that i would really bother at that age

when i was 8, christmas meant presents. toys were the things to please me those days. i can't really remember my christmas presents around that age, but i knew that these presents stopped quite soon, for my family didn't celebrate christmas. there was a christmas tree then, but i haven't seen one in my house for ages. its just quite a waste of time lah.

when i was 12, my parents would go for christmas dinners and my brother (at 17) would go out with his friends. perhaps i was just too young to have friends to go out till late night, and i just wasn't interested in those christmas dinners. christmas eve would be spent home alone, watching old favourite movies on channel 5 (like home alone? haha), playing the computer, or just calling someone to chit chat.

when i was 15, christmas stood for love. with raging hormornes and silly boys' manga, it was all about celebrating with a girlfriend. looked for love in all the wrong places and wasn't very successful in that. false hopes, shattered dreams, broken hearts. the words of a miserable teenager boy's christmas.

when i was 18, christmas was finally good. partys everywhere, dinners everywhere. lots of turkey, lots of wine. i was celebrating christmas the way i always wanted to. with friends and loved ones.

when i was 19, christmas lost all its meaning. many of my friends were no longer around, and i was in the army. i guess you could say it only meant a public holiday so i could go home. and usually there would be a block leave until the new year for that period. it definately was a good break.

now i'm 21, and christmas its meaning is still absent. perhaps i'm numb. perhaps i don't see a reason to celebrate. but i know i want to. i just don't know how. maybe i'll just turn into The Cat That Ate and Slept Christmas

bo title...

2005-12-15T20:33:00.000+08:00

i'm at my laptop now (duh) and blogging over a bowl of instant mee... well actually i threw in some tuna and yong tau hu so its not as pathetic as a mee used to be, but nonetheless still pathetic.thats right, i'm eating alone... in my room..see i took a short nap and woke up at 7:30pm. i have hall production starting at 8:30 so i kinda just felt like i should cook myself noodles for dinner. and i think like eating noodle isn't anything glamourous or anything so i guessed i just threw away the thought of asking anyone on msn 'you wanna cook?' i dunno.. thats me.so here i am! the noodles are yummy, i'm getting the job done, and i'll be off for hall production soon.

anyway i was reading jinxie's blog. she is brilliant lah. everything she said was just spot on, pertaining to the situation in hall. i guess we sometimes are just to busy with our own schedules.. and actually hall life during the vacation can be just as busy as term schedules.. and schedules still clash like usual. one example is my hall production.. i think i have like rejected 3 or 4 'dinner?'s from zhihao because i had to go for production... and ate my dinner already. sorry zhihao... but thanks for asking anyway.

to those who wanna know how hall production is coming along, its great. the instrumentalist team is a same bunch of kooky kr rockers.. and right now we are just down to arranging music. whats arranging? its like the music has been composed a long time ago, but there is playing style yet. we do have a rough idea how each music should sound like, but we need to fine tune... the guitar effects, the keyboard instruments (trumpet, harp etc). so there is quite a lot of work and brainstorming each session, capped by a recording of at least one song, so that we can adhere to the recordings when we finally get down to practice proper..
on my track side, i'm really unfit. i don't wanna talk about it.softball is fun, but i also don't wanna talk about it.

well its almost time, go for hall production, maybe a supper, come back hopefully a game of dota, or gta san andreas... sounds good.

desktop...

2005-12-13T02:18:00.000+08:00

no special reason.. i just thought my desktop looks absolutely beautiful..

perhaps love...

2005-12-12T02:22:00.000+08:00

what a boring weekend... woke up on the wrong side of the bed again... sneezed my whole sunday off... but the sunday was saved by a trip to the cinema!

catched perhaps love (ru guo ai) with daphne and charlotte..

beautiful cast... simple story... nice music... powerful drama... well i don't know.. sometimes it is just good to fall back on something old... just to see how someone creates a story on the silver screen.

moulin rouge copycat? phantom of the opera copycat? perhaps. but it is a good copycat. *purr*

trying to find the ost now... hehehe the freeloader is already busy at work! meanwhile... no prizes for guessing this song..

should have seen it coming when the roses died

should have seen the end of summer in your eyes

should have listened when you said goonight

you really meant goodbye

baby ain't it funny how you never ever learnt to fall

you're really on your knees, to think you're standing tall

but only fools aren't know-it-alls

and i played that fool for you

baby i thought you and me would stand the test of time

like we got away with the perfect crime

but we were just a legend in my mind

i guess that i was blind

remember those nights dancing at the masquerade

the clowns wore smiles that wouldn't fade

you and i were the renegades

and somethings never change

lets kill...

2005-12-10T02:22:00.000+08:00

evidence that extermination of people should be carried out :

1. carparks are full and traffic jams are everywhere
2. nobody moves into the centre of the train
3. i have to stand up on double decked buses
4. auties with bob marley hair block my tv mobile
5. kids run around and try to trip you (who says kids are spared)
6. cats walk around without tails (culprit's penis should be ripped apart before death)
7. noobs play dota when the game says no noobs
8. usa shits join singapore games
9. babies cry in public places (all die lah)
10. people pluck rochers from christmas trees
11. banglas molest girls on new years eve
12. china shits cheat in exams
13. china shits shit shit until the whole shop full of shit
14. people smoke in parks

the list goes on and on. for now, these people deserve to die. oh god, grant me some death-hand-powers. thats all i want for christmas.

ripped...

2005-12-05T19:11:00.000+08:00

it is at a time like this that ian the cat starts to ponder about his life again... not that he seldom broods about such stuff.. but when there are no schedules to be met, these kind of thoughts can just run freely without a care and the cat doesn't have to tell himself,"i don't have any freaking time for such thoughts!"

sometimes i stare at the laptop screen in hall (as i am now), and ask myself what i am doing with my life.. i so want to go out and spend time with friends, watch movies and so on and so forth but i don't have the freaking cash to do so.. my allowance isn't enough for me to spend over the basic necessities.. grr its like i feel i have only enough to eat everyday.. and have a good, more expensive meal every now and then. shirts? shorts? gadgets? i don't have the money. no. like when can i ever get it man. tamade.

so is it my fault that i spend so much of my time glued to the screen? perhaps. but well i kinda like slacking over msn, music, dota and counterstrike. just that sometimes i feel really sian after a bad game of dota. but i shall not bore you.

well somehow i don't have the drive to continue this post. perhaps the draw of playing cs is there... so i shall end

200th entry...

2005-12-03T15:06:00.000+08:00

yeah its the 200th.. but well... this blog is dead... why? because nothing much is happening

a walk to remember...

2005-12-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

landon : are you scared?
jamie : to death?
--
jamie : landon...
landon : its not funny
--
jamie : i'm scared of not being with you
landon : oh baby that will never happen

i just cried...

mandy moore : cry

my year...

2005-11-29T03:52:00.000+08:00

well i don't really have much to blog about right now.. but i have a short piece to say about what happened this whole year for me, now that december is nearing. maybe you guys are interested to read on, maybe you aren't, but i'll just write it down for my own record since my blog is not just for people to read, but kind of like a diary for myself...

january was one of the most trying times in my army life, going to kanchanaburi, thailand for my last exercise of my nsf life.. it was my second time there, the first being a year before that when i went as an umpire.. i don't want to bore the girls with the details so i'll move on. thailand was tough and i nearly died... freaking weather was hot and dry and the nights were cold. but i survived and within a month i found myself back in singapore.
for those interested, my unit, the 1st battalion singapore infantry regiment got best infantry unit that working year. well done everyone. i never felt any prouder to be a leopard.

coming back from crescendo meant freedom to everyone. there was no longer anything for us to work or train to. so the days were spent clearing our leave and offs. spent loads of hours playing computer games at home from then on.. counter-strike source and dota being the top of the list.. and they still are. but anyway i guess all these is quite boring.

i didn't take up any job.. and basically just drifted until the scholarship orientation which was in june. or was it may? i can't remember haha. the orientation was the one single thing that finally took me away from the world of drifting. ok maybe i should be more specific and talk about obs because the orientation programme was kind of crappy as everyone agrees.

obs was when i got into the most wonderful bunch of campmates you could ever have. presenting my washington watch. on the right got picture you can click and see. everyone in the watch was just ready to have fun during the camp.. the girls were not 'teah'. the guys were solid, and we just clicked from day 1. friendship built on, thanks to the many drinking sessions we had.. i still remember sitting in a circle, downing heineken outside amara. and serene almost got into trouble for chionging a red light arrow. those were the days man. we just met up every other day for whatever reason. and boy... i miss them

one by one, they left. peiying, then roy, then.. i can't remember the sequence anymore. but i know they were the first. was kinda sad seeing them slowly 'die off'. and then i had to prepare for the transition between my washington bunch of friends to nus. nus came suddenly. well i mean i saw it coming but still it happens so fast it is considered sudden.

i soon found myself struggling with hall stuff, and work.. many people would have known me as a very stressed-up individual.. it kind of worried me to be seen that way, because even i have never known myself to be stressed. perhaps its the requirement of good grades by the scholarship, perhaps it is my first semester, perhaps it is a whole new way of studying, perhaps i left my comfort zone in the acedemic area for the first time.

perhaps it is everything. but i'm glad it is all over. and i learnt many things along to way so i hope i will be able to cope with next semester's work a lot better and erase that stressed-ian image off everyone's minds.

and now, my first holidays in nus. staying in hall during this period, and hopefully our block will bond more during this period. guess we kind of missed out a lot of time. either that or i was the one who missed out a lot of time. but i didn't come to hall to be a boring idiot so i'll play whenever i can for the holidays!

well someone just asked me if i've found a girl.. and i just gave a big 'no'. my love life is really stagnant right now. i think i really just can't be bothered to start something, but all around me love seems to be in the air. reading love manga just makes it worse sometimes.. haha you feel something is so missing in you but you just want to keep your eyes closed. i'm still waiting for the day that a princess from far takes me away to a world where there is no loneliness. haha full of shit ian. go and sleep.

reverse the cogs...

2005-11-27T00:28:00.000+08:00

and so.. history repeats itself
not to me.. but to another person
same situation... same ending
same sadness.. same lost

3 years ago... and now
i can only watch.. and pray
life goes on.. time waits not
the heart wrenches.. but still beats

every cloud must have a silver lining
maybe the skies will clear up one day
and the next sun dawns upon the sunset
for me.. and for you my friend..

be strong.

collective soul's "run" plays for you tonight

are these times contagious?
i've never been this bored before
is this the prize i've waited for?

now with the hours passing
there's nothing left here to mature
i long to find a messenger

have i got a long way to run?
have i got a long way to run?
yeah.. i run...

is there a cure among us
from this processed sanity?
i weaken with each voice that sings

now in this world of purchase
i'm going to buy back memories
to awaken some old qualities

have i got a long way to run?
have i got a long way to run?
yeah.. i run...

zero. nada. zilch...

2005-11-25T16:21:00.000+08:00

and so the exams are over... today's paper was quite good so hope the heavenly powers will grant me a good grade. and its time to celebrate... but more on that later.. i don't think i need to tell you guys how i'm gonna celebrate my holidays cos you can read all about it in days to come...

BUT!
in the meantime.. here is the exchange of emails following yesterday. somebody's gonna get whooped up his ass! die you biatches! check this space for updates

---
Dear Ian,
We will definitely investigate.
By the way, there were two ladies present. Can you describe the one you saw, who warned the students?
Brett McInnes
---
Dear Sir,

The lady was wearing pink I think. Middle age, short hair, bespectacled, rather the slim, not plump type :)

Regards,
Ian
---
The one wearing a dress, not pants, correct? Sorry, we have to know exactly!
BMc
---
I know for a fact she wasn’t wearing jeans.
Ian
---
OK, just to be exact about this: there were two ladies, one younger and tall and wearing pants, the other middle-aged, authoritative.....I guess you mean the second one right? Sorry to be like this but we must not accuse the wrong person!
BMc
---
Yeah I think it should be the second one. It would really help to double confirm if there are websites with pictures of them.

Ian
---
We will do what we can, but that person is not actually in our department. I will let you know whatever I can let you know. But it will take some time.
BMc
---
Sure. Thanks for all the trouble. BTW, I really love your webcasts :)
Ian
--- well its true. you have to watch his webcasts... you'll laugh. he's damn good

random...

2005-11-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

ok i'm just stuck on this flash animation dunno why

2 - 1 = 1...

2005-11-24T11:55:00.000+08:00

edited : the letter i sent is at the bottom of the post

maths paper in the morning... went in feeling like a 1627839 watt light bulb... came out... 837198 watts...

lol i really don't know what those numbers meant.. but to put it shortly, the paper was alright. it was not a killer paper, neither was it an easy one. i'm satisfied to the extent that i have been rewarded for whatever effort i had invested into math.

now all that needs to be done is to pray that these rewards will grow fruit into numbers. positive numbers and not zero. i mean like, whats the point in knowing how to do a question if you did it but got the wrong answer because of some careless mistake?

that aside, i'd like to reserve this space for the muthafukas who don't stop writing when they are told to do so. today on my right side were 2 indians and a chinese prc. alright this post is in no way a stab at the indian race or the country of china. ian is fully aware that there are many nice chinese and indian nationals around who are genuinely hardworking and rule-abiding. so ian is not stereotyping (READ : NOT RACIST/PROPAGATING HATE IN THIS ENTRY)

if you are an indian, or a chinese prc, and think that i am attacking you guys as a whole because you are pathetic, well, you said it yourself that you are pathetic. i didn't.

so those said 3 guys were still penning off their answers in an attempt to get extra marks after they were told to stop. (they'll prolly get an extra 1 or 2) but i tell you, i really f***ing kan bu shuang. especially when the lady has already looked at you, tell you stop writing, walk away (she is smartly testing to see if she gets out of your side, you will still write or not). and you lowly fools. f***ing n00b fewls! i'm not attacking your prc/indian group again. i'm attacking you 3 f3w15... are so stupid to write again so kena caught a second time. chinese and indian students : you all want to cheat you all go back to your zhong guo da xue or your universitysamynathanveman ofmuthuram savenegadenberjayaratnamuniversity lah, ch**b**

well justice wasn't served. getting caught one time is enough to get you expelled out of this beautiful campus. this beautiful SINGAPOREAN (what? national university of SINGAPORE, what!) place is too scenic for the likes of you pigs. anyway don't think that being let off after being caught 2 times means that today is your lucky day. you had your chance to stop writing after the first warning. you blew it.

ian isn't feeling like in a f***ing good mood today. ian is gonna write an email to the whoever-is-in-charge. hopefully my appeal of unfairness doesn't go about unheeded. and then... all the best to you table 26,27 and 28 of MPSH2. i'll be helping the cleaning aunty sweep some shit away from the lawn.

electrical engineering paper is tomorrow... worry bugs are starting to hit me again so i better go start hitting the books... but my damn brain is so drained from math! die...

and here is the letter :

Dear Sir,

Today, during the MA1505 examination, I noticed 3 students sitting on my right (tables 26 27 and 28, MPSH2) still writing furiously into their scripts after you have told all students to stop writing and that anyone caught writing from that point onward would be deemed to have cheated and disciplinary action would be taken.
The students were spotted and told by a tutor (a Chinese lady, whose name I do not know) to stop writing at least twice. As soon as she walked past their tables they continued to write, against an instruction that was made just seconds ago. What surprised me is how 3 students can be let off for such a blatant case of cheating TWICE. The tutor did not take down their matriculation number or whatsoever, and instead gave stern warnings. With all due respect, stern warnings do not serve any purpose. From what I know, Mr. Tan Ban Pin had snatched away the papers from students who continued to write, without giving them any second chance.
Cheating cases such as these are very common in NUS and I am sure that quite a number of the teaching staff are aware of this fact. We should not let these people off; instead the punishment promised as a result of breaking rules should be mete out. A number of students I have spoken to about this matter have expressed similar anger in such cheating cases as it turns the advantage against us. Cheaters have an unfair advantage over students who follow the examination rules if they escape with the crime like in the incident I have described.
Rules need to be enforced to meet their desired purpose. Cheaters are not welcomed in our university that we so proudly proclaim to be one of the best in the world. In view of that, I hope you will look into the matter and bring justice upon these people.

Thank You

Regards,
Ian Low

3 - 1 = 2...

2005-11-22T15:54:00.000+08:00

i will seriously kill someone if i don't get an A...

now for maths and eg1108.. shit

happy...

2005-11-21T01:31:00.000+08:00

tired of studying...
rotten days before...
rotten days ahead...

then my family came...
went for lunch...
psa tower...

habourcity...
dim sum...
ate my fill...

siewmai... xiaolongbao...
cheecheongfun... pau...
sharksfin... century egg porridge...

how can you not love them?

4 - 1 = 3...

2005-11-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

i had the worst night of my life in kent ridge hall yesterday. i studied from 2100 till 0100, took a half hour nap till 0130, continued studying till 0430, took a nap till 0530, hit the books again till 0700 and off i went for my sociology paper. the feeling of the rest of the world sleeping and you alone reading texts casts such a sad shadow of surrealistic realism (?) into you. i just couldn't believe i was sacrificing my sleep for study. thats right. in all my years, i have NEVER thrown away the night's sleep for study.

well the paper was ok, considering the fact that i only need to manage a satisfactory grade, it should be as good as settled. so yep 3 papers to go. and though i felt that i probably wasted 4 hours of my time studying useless things. what's done is done and at least i can smile to myself knowing i've accomplished what i set out to at least for this paper.

and thanks to the people who have given me moral support.. yinqiboo, shili, alphonsus, daphne, tze hui, jinx, and hong... sigh.. as i write this, hong is probably on the flight to australia... one month.. she's gonna be cut off from the internet! if it was me i will just die.

computing and mathematics papers are next. i'm not so much worried about computing, but more on maths. this is the big one folks. the one that i am really at a risk of screwing up. as it stands, if i were to take the paper NOW i'll fail without a damn chance. 4 days of mugging will attempt to reverse this table of probabilities.

5 - 1 = 4...

2005-11-18T17:20:00.000+08:00

Dear Scholarship Office,

Please don't force me to break my bond. I know it was stated that if I do not get the CAP of 4.0 and graduate with a 2nd upper, the deed will be revoked and I will be liable for any monetary damages with a compound interest of 10% p.a.

But I've tried really hard. I cannot say for certain that I have tried my best because there is no such thing as a 'best' is there? I've tried harder than many people. I've felt stressed about my studies many times throughout this semester and have put in a lot of effort into study and my results for the mid semester tests are a testament to all that effort that was put in.

That being said, grades are not all about mid semester tests. The heaviest weightage of every module (at least for mine) lies within the final examinations which are happening between this week and the week after next. It is during these examinations that your efforts of 4 months are summed up into 2 hours of performance. What influences your performance? Of course on our part what we can do is to study before the examinations. And that's all about it. What else can be done on our part? Bribery? Cheating? Sabotaging other people's efforts?

After 12 years of examinations (and 21 years of life), I have come to realised that all you ever need is luck. All the luck in the world ensures that you can escape anything and you can reap maximum benefits for what you sow. All these 12 years, luck was always on my side during examinations. If it was not, I wouldn't be a recepient of your scholarship. What if luck isn't on my side these 4 years?

My examination paper for a module entitled "Engineering Physics I" (Code PC1431) was this afternoon. To ensure that I had maximum advantage on my part, I have been studying for this module. I ate physics, drank physics, slept physics and breathed physics for 2 weeks, which is really a lot, considering that I neglected other modules all this while. I was rather confident before I stepped into the examination hall, running questions and concepts through my mind. However, midway into the paper I realised that luck was not on my side.

Everything that I had been studying never came out. So much emphasis was put into topics that never came out. Out of the 8 questions that came out, 4 of them were a mishmash of concepts that I had overlooked. Concepts that you knew, but didn't know they applied in those questions. I just couldn't deliver. While there were others that were so easy that (to sound harsh) if you didn't know how to do them, you really deserved a C.

This means that while I was armed with supposedly more knowledge than other people, I could only do the questions everyone else could, and couldn't do those that everyone else couldn't.

Of course examinations only grade your questions. They don't grade your knowledge. And grades are given on a bell curve. Getting marks for questions everyone else gets is going to result in an average grade. In this light, I am not going to get a grade deserving of my efforts for this module. Maybe I will do better for other modules, but bear in mind that I have sacrificed everything else for this module.

Morale wise, I am thoroughly demoralised by this afternoon's experience, and while I will try to pull myself up again, I cannot deny the fact that it has already affected my stance in the coming 4 papers.

So what is going to happen to me? If I do not make the grade, my status as your scholar ends. While that doesn't mean much to you (in fact you would gain financially), it means half my life to me. Ever since I got the scholarship, my pride resided in it. I felt increased confidence in my social ranking and status. Is this pride going to be robbed from my by a poor bout with luck?

So many people have placed confidence in me. So many. Not to mention your organisation. I used 'your' because it is not mine yet. On paper it is. But this idea has yet to reconcile with my thinking. It sucks to fall short of such expectations. I'm sorry, but it really sucks. I don't want to walk around with a label of "the scholar who broke his bond because he cannot make it" for a good part of my life. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. But the thought of that haunts me to this day.

I am not deserving of such a fate. People who know me have told me that I am what I am because I know what I want to be, and I am doing what I am doing today because I was meant to do it ever since I was born.

Please give me a chance.

one day...

2005-11-17T03:15:00.000+08:00

one day...

(you were expecting "one day i will blah blah" right?)
no, actually one day left to my first paper.

and soci is on saturday, and i haven't touched it.. like totally ZERO... because i S/U so i heck care... until kailing just told me that S/U is not pass/fail. need to get a C+

shit..

anyway

Minnie Mouse

Which DISNEY character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

jesus christ!

barrage...

2005-11-16T03:57:00.000+08:00

the von started it.

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

good

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated.
At work and school, you do best when you're organizing.
When you love someone, you tend to worry about them.

In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic.
Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management.
You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

half-good

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.
And that's marriage - with the right person.
You're serious about settling down some time soon.
Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

lol.

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Shark

Animal You Were in a Past Life: Polar Bear

You have a strong character - you are an aggressive, ambitious, go-getter.
You were born to lead.

The Animal Personality Test

wud. why shark = monkey hold gun...

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting.
You focus on living a quality life.
You're not easily impressed with novelty.
Yet, you easily impress others.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

i think singaporeans are all cheese pizzas.

Your Irish Name Is...

Callum Brennan

What's your Irish Name?

huh?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

engineer jio shi engineer.

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.
From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

yeah!

track...

2005-11-14T21:39:00.000+08:00

how can i hide my sadness
the place i had lost you
the fragrance of your hair
spreads so fast
i can't catch up

close my eyes and i see
the traces you left behind
under the moonlight
i keep searching
for the silhoutte i miss

if breaking up is the start of pain
before the end comes, i'll love again

i want to tell you the love i couldn't tell
will anyone understand me?

i'll stare into space
then i'll forget you
and shut my eyes tightly
think about the day someone takes your place
so that i will stop thinking of you

i'll stare into space
then smile a little
and shut my eyes tightly
think about your tender face once more
before i forget you

do you know this song?

stfu..ff..stuff...

2005-11-13T21:11:00.000+08:00

seems like i'm ripping meme's from marcus' blog every now and then...

You are the little prince.

Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.

anyway, this goes out to people utilising study areas, either in nus or in kent ridge. by study areas i mean the air-conditioned ones where you are supposed to keep quiet.
you want to read, go ahead and read. you want to study, go ahead and study. but if you want to talk, then f*** off. if you think 10 minutes of whispering and giggling summount to quiet, i'm gonna screw your head the next time i see you. yes you. the f***ing gay looking guy who talks like a squealing pig, wearing some n00b shirt "YOU MAY BE GOOD BUT AIN'T NO FEAR" like what f*** shit is that. and you, the stupid girl with a 60s hairstyle. the next time i see you klutzing in the study area, i'm gonna smash your eyeballs into your arse.

wow.. what a violent prince.

hate...

2005-11-13T03:51:00.000+08:00

i can't seem to understand the world nowadays. either that, or my thoughts and actions have become outcast. i am an exile in disguise, back in the city i have been expelled from.

why do people go around making enemies, finding fault, blaming and bringing people down, and worst of all, propogating these ideas to other people? everyone has their own right to choose their enemies. but they are YOUR enemies and not MINE, so for f***'s sake stop telling me stories about so-and-so in your lame effort to canvas some moral support from the bitch-for-ten-cents-stall-owner ian. don't think that i'm gonna come up to lick your rotting wounds you f***ing weakling.

yeah. i think i'm an exile in disguise. such thoughts couldn't have come from the peaceful me.

miffy...

2005-11-11T16:49:00.000+08:00

omg i'm just gonna get killed for this

adopt your own virtual pet!

IQ...

2005-11-09T19:47:00.000+08:00

some men believe that the bigger a girl's breasts are, the less intelligent she is

i think its the other way round...

the bigger a girl's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become

jitters...

2005-11-09T00:30:00.000+08:00

programming practical exam is tomorrow...

and today i went for maths lecture to find out i forgot whatever i learnt in my tutorials... even last weeks.

nocturne...

2005-11-07T00:37:00.000+08:00

為妳彈奏蕭邦的夜曲
紀念我死去的愛情
跟夜風一樣的聲音
心碎的很好聽
手在鍵盤敲很輕
我給的思念很小心
妳埋葬的地方叫幽冥

為你彈奏蕭邦的夜曲
紀念我死去的愛情
而我為你隱姓埋名
在月光下彈琴
對妳心跳的感應
還是如此溫熱親近
懷念你那鮮紅的唇印

such a song of tragedy... guess we are all aching for these painful stabs to our heart. all of us love tragedies... wished we lived them and had a story to tell.

time clicks away and i grow an extra strand of white hair everyday...

time to work, ian...

jay chou : ye qu (nocturne)

tribute...?

2005-11-04T22:26:00.000+08:00

its friday night. guys are out with their girlfriends. the girls are chatting profusely on msn, or out somewhere chilling on coffee and cake. here i am, sitting alone in kr's dining hall making a futile effort at studying. what ever happened to my life?

nostalgia has ate into my flesh tonight.. as i read blogs of other people and (don't know why) start to wander into the realm of previous posts... i saw bits and pieces of people's lives i never had and never even heard about.
but i had bits and pieces of my life no one else had. my life before had been a story of my own. or was it? was it a story worth telling people about? as these memories start to fall into a place you recall with dazed eyes, i start to ask myself...

"have i lost my old self? have i been consumed by a new person and abandoned my old memories?"

i want my friends to come back to me. to relive the old days we had together. to remember we'll always be together. to tell me that i'm not alone in this world, as i do feel now.
save me, my friends. maybe all i need is a hug.

rubbish is proportionate to stress...

2005-11-03T02:03:00.000+08:00

a conversation on msn...

xxx : poor fish!
xxx : oh no!
me : poor fish? the cat didn't eat the fish lah
xxx : how you noe...
xxx : maybe it eats up after the photo is taken
me : oh
me : cos the cat you see in the photo
me : its dead..
me : it's a stuffed cat
xxx : it is?
me : so is the fish
me : the fish is a dead body also
me : thrown into agar agar so it stays in the middle
xxx : cant tell
xxx : agar?

lol.. some people can actually believe the shit i say

bic runga : sway

tmd...

2005-10-31T21:55:00.000+08:00

nus is f***ing unfair to me.
a level computing science students take programming here with an advantage
a level f maths students take maths here with an advantage
a level econs students take econs here not only with an advantage but they don't really learn anything new.

what am i saying here? i'm saying that if you took CS or FM or EC in jc, you'll have an easier time in uni for a good part of year 1.

and whats the best thing?
a level biology students are not allowed to take general bio in uni
a level chemistry students are not allowed to take the introductory module in uni

thanks nus. up yours.

denial...

2005-10-31T01:05:00.000+08:00

denial of what? denial of the exams!
they are not coming!

how can they be when i got drunk on friday night when i wanted to do physics?
when i wasted the whole saturday afternoon on a hangover when i wanted to do the same physics?
when i wasted the whole night on msn at home when i wanted to do the same physics?
when i wasted the whole sunday on the tv/comp when i wanted to do the same physics?

final situation. t = 3 days. displacement = 0.

tell me this is not happening...

isaac...

2005-10-30T20:37:00.000+08:00

i know you are 21.
and i'm hot.
and i look like a girl.
but you are gay.
f*** off!

(he kissed me yesterday)

:D~

2005-10-29T15:16:00.000+08:00

You're a romantic girl. You're kind, caring,
loveing, and peaceful. You spend a lot of your
time dreaming and you're not afraid to express
deep emotion, whether it be in a poem, diary,
or words. You hope for love and affection from
your prince charming. I have a feeling he will
come around soon.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

yummy.

My blog is worth $7,903.56.
How much is your blog worth?

suck on that laremy.

to jinx...

2005-10-28T10:13:00.000+08:00

i read jinxy's latest post and it struck me as something so familiar. all her thoughts.. they have appeared somewhere within the frame of memory i still retain. here's what i have to say, to her, to myself, and to anyone who is experiencing the exam stress.

yes, nus is all about rushing. the overlap of tutorials and lectures is freaking lame... but it happens all the time, and you just have to get used to it. seems like the old study plan we had back in jc doesn't work anymore. the only way to rectify the problem is to eliminate the stress (the unhealthy part of it), stop panicking, and get down to do some work. i somehow experimented with doing work in the dining hall... and it works for now. you can join me.. at least i'll have someone taking the same modules as me.
bottom line : don't panic. focus.

you ask me, hall doesn't do anything to lessen this lameness. interviews and all that really seem to clash all at the wrong time... but it could have been a lot worse.. lets forget the fact that hall is taking too much of our time because i don't think it is. laziness, if anything, is intrinsic to our own character. if i didn't stay in hall, the time i spent doing 'rubbish hall stuff' will be the time spend watching the tv or doing whatever useless shit at home. you might say that hall commitments leave you with no choice, but i believe that these commitments don't amount to a lot. even block comm commitments, as far as i can see NOW, aren't really a lot such that they substantially jeopardise your studies.
bottom line : you are lazy. but so is everyone else. don't feel bad.

its true that everyone else is as lazy as yourself. lets not mention about those people in your tutorial group who meet up after class to study.. they have nothing better to do.. or maybe they are just chao muggers... but mugging doesn't always mean better grades. don't be intimidated by those people. do what you know you did best. the fact that you are in your course proves that you are able to match up with them. don't mug like a panda just because they do. i'm advocating that we should not study, but we must study the we you want and don't bother about them. and speaking about study... NOW is really the time to start real work.
bottom line : study now. smartly.

is it true that you first semester cap is the highest you will ever see in your 4 years? i seriously think that doesn't hold any ground. the only thing it says is that most people start to get tired of studying as the years go by. but that doesn't mean that your cap cannot go up... starting slow (well maybe you did) doesn't mean that you cannot pick up the pace in future. don't worrying about that kind of useless crap, because it doesn't prove or help anything, and just think about this semester's cap.
bottom line : don't think unnecessary things.

as for your problems of drifting apart, yeah you prolly heard that its normal. it really is. yup. and all you can ever do for it is to give each other time. its really quite hard for you to understand his and its also very hard for him to understand your. if possible, try to understand his needs. i've been through army and almost one sem of hell in uni. comparing both, army still holds more shit than whatever shit (if any) you are experiencing right now. its good to see that you have firm grasp of the situation, knowing that you cannot afford such problems until the exams stop hounding at your door. hang on, and don't brood over it.
bottom line : you'll be fine.

well thats all i have. i hope it helps.
i need help myself. so maybe my help isn't enough.

james blunt : you're beautiful

afterburners...

2005-10-27T04:02:00.000+08:00

at the end of the world
or the last thing i see
you are
never coming home
never coming home
could i? should i?

and all the things that you never ever told me
and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
never coming home
never coming home
could i? should i?

and all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
for all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

if i fall
if i fall...down

thanks to all who expressed concern for me yesterday. you know who you are... i've finally started to sit down and do some proper work tonight. and i hope i can keep that up. and my health is ok now... just so you know =)

my chemical romance : the ghost of you

health deteriorating...

2005-10-25T15:35:00.000+08:00

sneezing in the morning...
sniffing through the day...
dry and itchy eyes...
pains all around the body...
acne bursting at the corners...

the signs tell it all... but its not as if i have been abusing my body... i have been eating right and drinking lots of water... must be the body rioting against its own weariness...
yeah. maybe i can't take care of my health in the end. i need to take care of my f***ing studies before i talk about my damn health. i can die for all i care. as long as i get my A.

enough...

2005-10-24T23:26:00.000+08:00

i'm f***ing stressed over work.
questions that nobody ever taught me how to do
questions that no one can teach me
what do you want me to do?

good week...

2005-10-22T01:26:00.000+08:00

yup.. it has been a good week for me.. in review...

i went to a math tutorial... and for the first time in a long time... my tutorial was actually done... and i can sit in class and have some active thinking about the questions.
same goes for ee tutorial today.

softball training. good stuff. always.

everything is just going well right now.. i wish i can keep that up all the way until exams..

a block day is tomorrow. honestly i'm just looking forward to lunch with everyone and dinner with everyone. everyone except prabs.